Breaking

The First Kiss

Then Magnus walked in.

Something broke inside of him in that moment. It snapped, and he felt like he was falling, like he was flying, like that something was the only thing that was holding him to the ground. He was free.

It was enough. He had tried to hold himself together, to do what he had to do, but all his resolve crumbled the moment he laid his eyes on Magnus.

And now that that hold disappeared, there was absolutely nothing, not a single person or thought, that could stop him. That could tear him apart from Magnus.

Every single reason why he shouldn't do it seemed infinitely weaker and less important compared to the urge to kiss him, to hold him, to feel him in his arms. All logical and rational parts turned to dust inside him and he was suddenly walking towards him. It felt more like he was floating towards him. Suddenly, it felt so easy, so good to just go to him. So liberating.

His heart was beating with a thousand beats per second, he was barely able to breath, air leaving his lungs faster than it was getting in and he wondered if he will pass out. He was dizzy. But he also never felt so alive.

He heard his mother telling him something, maybe telling him to stop. But he knew he couldn't stop himself now. He had tried before and he failed. He didn't care about the consequences. Not anymore.

He grabbed Magnus' shirt and pulled him towards him.

He never kissed anyone before. He never had the courage, the guts. But he also never wanted to do it so badly before. He simply needed to do it. Any other time, maybe he would have felt nervous. But right now, he didn't feel a single ounce of fear, or hesitation. Just desire. And the desire was too much. He wanted Magnus and not a single force in this whole Universe was going to stop him.

He pulled Magnus closer and their lips finally met in a desperate kiss.

The moment his lips touched Magnus', his heart, which before was beating so hard he was surprised it didn't break his ribs, stopped abruptly. And he knew he must be dead. Life couldn't have possibly felt that way.

The kiss was the simplest thing he ever felt. It was the most peaceful and natural and beautiful thing he could ever feel. Like he was laying in the soft sheets of his bed, waiting to fall asleep; waiting to be embraced by the quietness and the untroubled calmness of the night and dream the most wonderful of all dreams. To float around and lose himself in it.

And he did. He lost himself in Magnus, and in the amazing feeling of the soft lips he fantasized so much about. It was so true, so right, kissing the man who almost drove him mad with his flirts and his little touches.

Yet, the kiss also felt like the most powerful thing in the world. A force so strong, a power so incredible that he didn't knew how could the Earth still spin and the Sun still shine. It was a fire so dangerous, so consuming, yet so graceful, so full of warmth. It was the greatest earthquake known to mankind, and he was the only one who felt it.

He broke the kiss, in desperate need of air, but he saw Magnus leaning in for more.

And who was he to deny him that? To deny himself that?

He kissed him again, with just as much passion, and the sensations he felt surging through his entire body were as powerful as before. It was like a shot of adrenaline in his veins, driving him crazy, but it was so caressing and gentle, he felt like melting.

He wondered if that's how it will always feel to kiss Magnus. He definitely hoped so.