Thoughts

Thoughts Part 1

I am not usually all doom and gloom and I know this may seem stupid as it really isn't that big of a problem to begin with, I try to look on the brighter side of life as I know it can get worse and I actually have a good life compared to many other individuals.

Now one of my mates may read this and ask if I am alright. Yes, I am okay just not right now.

Do you ever feel like you are floating through life? Like you are there doing it but not really? Well life is not going great today for me. Minor problems in the grand scheme of things but problems nether the less.

I feel as if I am floating, not to quote Georgie in It "you'll float too" thing...... anyway, crazy me aside there. I feel if things are out of my control, I feel a tightness in my chest about all that is to come and a tightness as I can't slow down and the days are blurring into one.

I asked for days off and was denied my request even though it is months in advance. I am not a special staff member, only part time due to college which I go straight from to work most days. I know this is a normal thing when you are working and I may sound like a 2 year old having a tantrum but I am angry about this, I bend over backwards helping and have agreed to keep days free so they can go away, cover shifts whenever they need, in other stores when I just want lie down. I get this is my fault for not saying no sometimes but I feel used in a way.

I have no grip on my emotions lately and am storming about like a teenager who just discovered that they are grounded and have had their room stripped. I feel weak, physically and mentally. Exams are coming up and I have no clue what they are, I look at my notes and want to set them on fire as I don't understand them; I was sick for about a month before I got off for Christmas and was really behind on assignments and studying, now I just feel like it's too late.

I feel like I need to break out into a run till I can't run anymore and I am asthmatic so I won't get very far haha.

I read, blast music and binge shows when I am in need to, a distraction, but that isn't even working. I don't want to talk to my friends or meet up with them as I feel like my energy of sadness will just bring them down. I am going to try to be better, I am going out with my little sister on Saturday and then a house warming kinda party after. I am unsure about going as I don't want to bring the mood down if I still feel like this.

I think I just need a breather for a second, maybe go for a walk in the woods or along the beach, clear my mind, might just be cause I am inside all the time.

Anyway I will stop depressing anyone who reads this. Apologies for this but I needed to write it down on more than a scrap of paper. It will get better, I know it will, just need to wait but all good things come to those who wait and I will be able to wait. I will feel better quite soon.