Miraculous... Gone

Chapter 5

Marinette's POV

I was falling. Fast. The ground approached quickly and I braced for impact. I was definitely going to die trying to save that stupid cat. I saw Chat falling below me when a flash of green flew towards him. It was Carapace! He grabbed the unconscious Chat Noir and then created a shield around them both. They hit the ground hard, but Carapace's shield absorbed most of the impact. Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap protectively around my waist.

A familiar voice yelled in my ear. "Marinette! I've got you!"

Below us, Carapace had gently set Chat Noir on the ground and came to protect me and Rena with a shield. With a crash, we landed safely on the concrete surrounding the Eiffel Tower. My head hurt a little, but I was fine physically. Emotionally, I was a wreck. My chest rose up and down as I tried to calm myself with deep breaths.

Just as I began to calm down, Rena screamed in my ear and enveloped me with a warm hug. "Girl! I'm so glad you're okay. Why on earth would you jump off of a tower? And why didn't you tell me you were Ladybug? Never mind. It doesn't matter. You're Ladybug!!!" Rena went on and on about how it was amazing that I was Ladybug, but I wasn't paying attention. Rena must have noticed my distant expression and said, "Hey, Marinette. Are you okay? You don't look too good..."

Tears began to form in my eyes and I could feel the guilt rising inside of me. The floodgates opened and a wave of emotions came spilling out of me. "I-I-I failed. I totally failed as Ladybug. I'm not even Ladybug anymore... I literally handed the Miraculous over to Hawkmoth. I gave him exactly what he wanted and I did it willingly. Paris is in grave danger and it is completely my fault." I looked at my best friend with tears streaming down my face.

Rena shifted uncomfortably. This entire conversation was probably awkward for her. "Marinette... don't say that." She searched for the right words to say to comfort me. "Sure, it's your fault that Hawkmoth has the Miraculous now, but you did it to protect your partner. You are such a good person and in this scenario, you were too good of a person. You can't stand seeing someone hurt and that's why you did it. You couldn't stand seeing Chat Noir in danger, so you did everything in your power to save him." Rena looked hopefully at me probably silently praying she had said the right thing to console me.

I sniffled. "Thanks, Rena. I think I just need some time alone to process everything." I glanced at Chat Noir with worry. "Take care of him, okay?"

I turned and walked away in a random direction. I couldn't go home. I couldn't face anyone yet, not after the terrible thing I had done. I had doomed all of Paris.

I reached inside my purse to grab my phone and earbuds. Listening to music usually distracted me from everything going on in my life and right now, I needed a big distraction from this big problem. I must have zoned out for a while because the next time I looked up, the sun was already setting. Knowing I had nowhere else to go for the night, I made my way home. As I approached the front steps I took a deep breath and plastered a fake smile on my face before opening the bakery door.

"Hi, sweetie!" My mother called from the kitchen.

I wanted to avoid my parents so I called out, "Hi mom! I'm just going to go upstairs to... um, work on homework. Byeee!" I ran up the stairs and closed the door to my room leaving my confused mother downstairs.

The second I closed the door, I took off my mask of happiness. I was always putting up a front for other people for two reasons. One, I couldn't ever let them know what goes on in my life as Ladybug because my identity must remain a secret. Two, I hated worrying people and I figured that everyone had enough problems without having my issues to concern themselves with.

I almost called out for Tikki but caught myself when I remembered she was gone. Gone because of me. She was the only person I ever let myself open up to completely. She truly understood how I felt because she knew both sides of me and the different sets of challenges each identity brought me. I missed her and wanted her back so much it hurt, but I was used to the feeling of emptiness that the feeling of longing creates inside of me. I had been longing for so many things these last few years. I longed to be loved. I longed for confidence. I longed for someone to understand me. Now, I longed for the emptiness to go away.

Looking around my room, I started to feel claustrophobic. The walls began to close in and my breathing sped up. I needed to get some air. Quickly, I ran up to my trap door and walked onto my balcony. I inhaled the cool night air and gazed at the stars. Momentarily, I let go of the day's stressful events and allowed the magic of the night sky to entrap me with its beauty. 

A/N: A nice, average-length 1000-ish word chapter for you guys! I sort of had a little writer's block for this part of the story, so I know it was kinda boring. But... keep reading! It will get interesting! I promise!