Only in my dreams

A Summer to Remember

It was summer again. As usual, I am going to spend my summer beside the beach. The beach that had always been a part of my life. There's one thing about this summer though... I am not going to the island for the first time. :-) I am with my friends here in Puerto Galera and it feels different. I never felt more alive. For the first time, no one's seeing me as a princess in her castle. I'm glad Marra can't come for 'Ms. Summer, I'm sorry but you can't do this. Ms. Summer, you can't do that. Ms. Summer, your dad told me that you can't go to the next island, it's too dangerous'...huh! Fuck it! I'm not allowed to do this and do that while I know it's safe and the best thing is we can party the whole night beside the beach. :-D "Hey Summer!" called Madeleine, "Are we going to the beach or going to the beach?", she said grinning at me. "C'mmon...the beach is waiting. Don't just stand there". She held my hand and pulled me towards the beach. I looked around as we come near the shoreline,"hahaha! Boys, boys,boys...boys everywhere..drooling at us. Well, it's my pleasure making you all suffer for what one of you did to me", I said at the back of my mind. I was practically broke and wallowing over my pain because of my recent break up with my two timer not so good ex boyfriend. It was but a good thing that all my friends are available to celebrate my independence day especially my Bessie, Madeleine .:-)

Madeleine is one hot girl from our high school days. We're not super friends nor bestfriend at first. We were friends but not super, back in the days that bitches are bitches and cat fights are for the bitches. But of course, Madeleine is far from those. She's not the kind who will involve herself to cat fights but it doesn't mean that she wouldn't fight back. I remember, we had a fight. A real cat fight that we were nearly brought to the guidance counsel. How it happened? Well, I am a simple looking girl, seemingly feminine in all my grace and belonging to the creme de la creme class together with Madeleine. To my insecurity, I pulled her brassiere which warranted her to fight back. We were stopped by our classmates and looking at ourselves and thinking back, we can do better than a cheap issue of insecurity. And that was it, the beginning of an unending friendship.:-)

The day went so fast when you're with the people you love and who also had been in my shoes right now. I am practically amused with their crazy stuff, as if I was never crazy around them. Celebrating my independence day was a hell a lot more fun than watching movie with that asshole. I wished I made our break up earlier.

We finally found ourselves lying on a couch beside the beach after our dinner. "The night is so still, Bessie", I told Madeleine before I gulped the bottle of Bailey's, then I laughed so hard and then I smiled. "Bessie ", Madeleine called in a concerned manner. My mood turned serious, "Why?". "I am wondering, are you drunk already?", she asked. "No, I'm not. I'm still fine. I am just amazed wit the whole thing...the night is still, the sky is clear, the stars and the moon are all above us. Things seems to be so perfect", I answered amusingly. "But why is that sad look in your face?", Madeleine asked. I looked at her straight in the eyes then asked, "do you remember the guy I once told you?". Madeleine thought for a while and then answered, " yes, I remember him. Do you still see him?", she asked. Sadly I answered, "yes, I saw him after my break up with Michael. He was there standing in front of me when I was crying and helpless", Madeleine could not help but to be eager to ask "and then? What happened?". I continued, "he hugged me...he was close to me already and I already felt his chest, I thought it was true, only to wake up in a sad reality that once more, I failed to ask him",sadness caught the moment until Madeleine broke it. "Bessie, you know what?", Madeleine said, "what?", I asked. "I pray that you finally find him. All I ever know about your recent break up with that Michael is that you were never really in love with him. You were just in love with the idea of love just because you were thinking all along that he could be that guy. But that man you were telling me does not even match to the features of that Michael of yours", Madeleine said in a berating tone, I contested, "hey Bessie! He is no longer my Michael...he must be with his girl now, hahaha..", I told her laughing. Silenced caught the moment, "but Bessie", I said, "what is it?", Madeleine asked. " I wonder, I wonder how he is right now...", I said. "Who? Michael?", Madeleine asked. "Of course not...", I was a bit exasperated," that guy. Leonard John. .I wonder, how he is right now? Where on earth can I find him?", I asked wondering. Madeleine smiled before she answered, "perhaps Bessie, in God's time, he will come. Though nobody knows when, just pray for him to be true. Who knows, one day, he's just at the end of the road waiting..." she winked and smiled. "The party is just about to start, let's join the others and dance the night Bessie", Madeleine told me while holding my hand telling me to come along. "Alright then Bessie. Just go, I'll be there in a while, I just wanted to savor the night like this", I told her and i winked. "Okay, Bessie. Be there we'll wait for you", Madeleine said. I nodded and then she left, when I am certain that she wouldn't look back, as I followed her blend in the party people, I leaned at the couch and closed my eyes...then I thought, one good thing about the heart is no matter how many times it bleeds and how many times it got broke, it still continuous to beat. It continuously beat while you give hope to yourself that someday, someone will take care of it. Well, perhaps, pain and heartache is inevitable when you have truly loved someone. You experience pain and heartache in preparation for you to grow as a mature individual and maybe, perhaps, it's also a leeway for your heart to rest for a while, to give yourself time to love yourself even better, in order that one day, when the time comes, when the right one comes along, you will also love him the right way and way better than the way you have loved before.