Worth It

Snow Falls || Peyton

PRESENT DAY

She stands wrapped up tightly in her coat, face pointed towards the sky. The paths of her tears still wet. As the old tears dry new ones fall to take their place. My body was wheeled out long ago, but yet she is still rooted to the spot unable to move as the world spins around her. The footsteps and hushed converstations as CSU goes over the scene, being more careful than they normally would for a suicide because it's her. They all feel like they owe her.

I stand beside her, and i just want to reach out and touch her. I can see the goosebumps on her skin as the december air gets colder and colder. We always talked about how much we loved the snow and the things we would do together this winter once it finally fell, but none of those things will happen now. She has her hand wrapped tightly around the necklace she had given me. She took it from my body before they got here, knowing the paperwork and time it would take for her to get it back if she had left it. My still heart feels like it is being shattered over and over again as i watch her, I watch as her arms reach around her as she subconciously tries to hold herself together.

I hear him then, as he cries my name, begging me to come to him. To stay with him. "Peyton, Peyton, Peyton" he sobs. I don't know how it happened, maybe it's something I can do now, move from place to place, but I find myself in the hospital. The waiting room is buzzing, people being pushed through on stretchers, others hunched over in chairs trying to keep the contents of their stomachs from coating the floor. Babies cry in their mothers arms, older siblings running around bored, I hear his voice again as it trails down the hallway in a hushed whisper. 
"Peyton," i follow the sound of his voice, past the nurses and greaving families, room after room filled with people just like him. People hurting not only from their physical injuries but the emotional ones as well.

My feet feel so light and moving feels so easy and free, my hair still floats the way it had done when I was alive, and I am grateful I haven't changed much. I continue to walk down the hallway until something forces me to stop, I turn and find myself outside a room. His name gracing the name plate on the wall, I run my fingers across it hoping to feel the bumps and grooves of the letters, but I feel nothing. I can see the edge of his bed and I am thankful the door has been left open because I am unsure if I can actually walk through things or if that is just another movie gimic. I move slowly unsure of myself, I can see him come into view and my still heart breaks again.

This has to be the most painful thing, to be dead but yet continue to feel the same way I did when i was alive. My heart feels like it is beating, pumping the love i have for him throughout my veins. I place my hand on my chest as I stare at him, I am startled when i don't feel the constent vibration of my heart beating. I know it won't beat but just the confirmation is unbearable. What have I done.

Marcus is all bandaged up, a cut on his forehead looks to have 12 stitches, his leg is in a cast, along with his arm. I can see a bandage sticking out of the top of his hospital gown, which I guess is covering a wound on his chest. His face is pretty much perfect as always, except for the horrible purple bruise forming around his eye. Tears are falling down his face and I can see his lips moving, but the words he is mumbling are too quiet for me to hear.  I move closer to his bed, my eyes never leaving his face. I watch the man I love cry and mumble into the empty silence that surrounds him. As I get closer i notice he is moving something between his fingers, his eyes fixed on it, I can see it shine and sparkle as the light catches it. His movement stills as I reach his bedside by his head, the item comes into view as his words become clear.

"Marry me Peyton, please be my wife." he pleads into the silence, the shine from the ring in his hand blinding me.

The brightness finally dulls and I feel as though my heart as been ripped from my chest a million times over, I open my eyes even though I don't remember closing them. I am back on the side walk, back standing next to Liv. The apartment and street are empty now but yet she still has not moved. She is still staring at the sky as if wishing for something, snow, Elliot or maybe me. I can remember us waking up everyday to check if the snow had begun to fall, but this year it's late, it's very late. 

I continue to look at her, she suddenly seems old, she seems tired and I apologise quietly into the air for aging her so fast.
"It's not your fault love," I turn to my left and see an older woman standing next to me, she has dark hair and dark eyes, and there are somethings about her that seem familiar, "I aged her, I forced her to grow up too fast. If it's anyones fault it's mine."
I stand speechless staring at this woman's profile, her eyes are locked on Olivia and I can see the sadness in her face as she looks at her.
"Who are you?" I whisper, feeling like no matter how soft my speech she will hear me.
"My name's Serena, Peyton. Liv is my baby girl." A soft smile creeps on to her face and she stands a little taller, pride laced in the movement. 

"Liv never talked about her mother," I say, trying my best not to sound harsh.
"I don't blame her, I was horrible. I blamed her for what her father did to me. She became the mother and I became the child, and then one day, like you, I left her. Granted she was an adult, as she is now, but she still needed her mother." She turns to look at me, "As i suspect you did too."
I breathe out and turn away from her gaze, "My mother didn't leave me, she -"
"Was taken. I know, I've been watching you with my daughter." I bow my head and twist my foot nervously, "Thank you," she breathes out.
"For what?"
"Helping her love again. She had given up hope, and you gave it back to her. She may be broken now, but she will be whole again soon, just you watch and see." 
I turn to look at her, as she crosses the street away from me. "Where are you going?" I call out behind her.
"Home. Like I said she may look broken, but she is better now. I can move on knowing she is okay, and so can you." She says as she disappears from view.

I don't believe i can move on, I don't believe she is okay. Unlike Serena I believe I have broken Olivia to a point I don't think she can come back from, and that is my fault. How can I leave her now, I have to make sure she is okay.

I turn back towards Liv as I feel Fin walk past me. He stops short of Liv and he too turns his chin to the sky, "Miss you already blue eyes," he says under his breath. My heart warms when I feel his love, he is such a big softy and I love him for it. He closes his eyes for a brief second before moving towards Liv again.
"We were going to go ice skating, and build snowmen with Noah once the snow fell Fin." She drops her eyes to the concrete beneath her feet, "but it never came."
Fin wraps his arm around her shoulder, "I know baby girl, it will though just you wait, blue eyes will make it happen just at the right time." I smile at his faith in me.
"You think so." She turns to look at him, her eyes shining due to unshed tears.
"I know so. Now lets get you and Noah to my place, and put some food in your bellies." She nods as he leads her to his car. He opens her door, and shuts her inside, before moving to the other side and climbing in.

They both stare for awhile at the apartment they both know she will never return to. I look up at the sky and close my eyes, and wish like I have never wished before. I open my eyes to see the sky slowly grow darker and darker. I can see Liv peer up at the sky through the windscreen, and watch as the first snowflake lands on the windscreen right in front of her face.
She smiles a beautiful, genuine grin, "Love you too P," she whispers.

They just sit there in silence and watch as the snow falls.