Just one more hit and then we're through
'Cause you could never love me back
Cut every tie i have to you
'Cause your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
Your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
100 times (give or take) you've told me you loved me and obviously didn't mean it. 2 parents that I constantly disappoint. 1 teacher I trust. 15 times this week I've contemplated how easy suicide really is.
48 self inflicted true windows into myself. 73,584,000 minutes I've wasted. 5 friends I don't want to burden with my "negative" bullshit. 2 friends who have moved schools and subsequently stopped talking to me. 7.125 billion people who, try as they may, will never understand how much shit is being piled on me. 9 people that I can't bring myself to talk to for fear of them leaving me. 4 family members I've detached myself from. 18 people I spend my days hoping won't yell at me.
285 things I've fucked up in the past month. ??? Things I take for granted. But you know what they say, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". This is in no way me apologizing. It's just numbers. 3 people I thought loved me but seem to have the opposite feeling.
125,000 times I've used the phrase "conceal don't feel" in my thoughts. 95 times I've written down "I don't want to cry. I don't want to die" or some variant thereof. 1 thread left. 57 hollow organs.
6 quarts of stupid running through my veins.
385 lbs of crippling loneliness sitting on my chest.
280 mph heartbeat.
1 sudden case of restless leg syndrome.
1 fully formed constant lump in my throat.
2 failing lungs.
1 sense of drowning.
Stir frequently for a train wreck husk of a human being. Finally sit down and think about what you've done.
