Seaonal Dreams

Traitor of one's mind

Was I just asked why I lie so much? That is a real good question. Now its probably because I talk to myself in my head like I am doing now. I am aware I have a slight martyr problem and with lying to myself. I know all of these things but it doesnt really bother me like it should I guess. Should it bother me?

"Well to the question of why do I lie? My answer is very personal and very deep-rooted. So in short I have no clue why". I gave her a smile as I ate my food.

"Is that so? That answers that questions. That will be all the questions from me today."

"So Ms. President, I am so sorry that I keep calling you that but its funny to me. Please dont mind it."

"Its fine go on."

"You seem off? I know its not place to ask since I don't know you at all but, you should let your colors show more often. Like I said before I feel like you would be a really fun person. Thanks for the food and here is my number"

I handed her a folded piece of paper with my name and number 

My exit felt rushed but I needed to get away. I havent really talk to anyone besides my mom and when I am spoken too. I got up, picked up my bag and started walking away and I could feel her gaze follow me out the door. My house was not far from the restaurant and I wonder how I am going to explain where I was to mom? I walked up the drive way of the house and took a deep breath and put my ear buds in. I enter my home the smell of dinner fills my nose and the music in my ears makes me feel like I am floating in peace. It is weird how I can change by entering my own home. I think thats kinda of normal though. I greet my mom and tell her I was out eating with girl, and she just shook her head and said to me "And how did you manage that you weirdo?" As I headed up stairs to my room I yelled back "I have no clue mom she is a strange girl." Mom laughed. 

"FOOD WILL BE READY IN A FEW"

"Nice now time for today's journal entry. I wonder what my mind will vomit on to paper? Did I just use vomit in a normal time and place? Today sure is strange.

Entry 02 Am I a traitor to my own ideals? 

Today is a new one for me. I was introduced to a new world of this little game called life. I ran into the student council prez and from I always knew she had eyes following her everywhere. She needed to talk to me, and she asked some weird questions, but she pulled me into that world and I felt it. I rattled me to my core. You know if anyone ever reads these journals I have very strong Ideals for someone who hates the idea of Ideals and binding terms. They are often right and I agree with but I take back what I said about the opening ceremony speech that Ms sonohara gave. She talked about student attachment and the forming of deep bonds and although I still find it pointless, I do realize that people aren't as easy to read as I thought. However, that does not mean I am totally wrong. People usually act for best self-interest that is shown in history. But who knows I am still learning. Today's journal is going to be a little short due my day being a little long. 

March 20, 2019

I closed my journal  and dropped my pencil, A sigh of relief came over me. Then music playing in my ears started to fade back into the light. " I can go for that, No can do". I laughed at the jokes I made in my head, as I made my way down stairs. My mom had made dinner, and she seemed happy as she was making the table. While I feel this gloom that has followed me since we got her get bigger. 

"Hey Mom you seem to have settled in just fine here."

"Well I have a good job and a fresh start, When you get older you realize that time is something you can't afford to waste. In my mind this is a second chance for me and you."

Her optimism amazed me. She was enjoying her time truly and It just hit me that It has been about 2 months since we got here. I havent seen her this well her in a long time. I put my thoughts and feelings aside and just enjoyed the rest of the night hanging out with mom. For the rest of the night while I was with mom I was happy but there was a  malice in my mind. After a while mom went to sleep and I went up to my room. It was 10:30 pm on a weekend, and I was not tired. I opened my window and turned on my desk lamp. My desk chair was old from when my dad was still around. It had holes and the stuffing of the chair was peaking out of the cracks. And staring at it from my bed with the smell of the cold night air filled my room. Brought me some peace of mind. However, what I got up to do wouldnt seem so smart. I snuck out the house and I knew it was a bad thing to do, I have common sense. I just needed the fresh air. It was cold enough to warrant wearing at least a jacket, and this is in the spring. The sounds my stomach after that were slightly terrorizing, I could feel my stomach going crazy. I need cash.

"I need a job. Isnt there like a convenience store right around this corner. Maybe they're hiring."

I spoke aloud to myself as I rounded the corner and due to interesting day I was right. There was a small local store here, and a book store. 

"This place never fails to remind me I am not at home. Well this is home now."

For some reason I can't accept that fact. I live here now. I have school and responsibilities here now. Ahh, I guess it's a good as time as any time to get over it. Life is change. I went into the store and asked the middle-aged man sitting behind the counter.

"Excuse me, but if it isnt any trouble I was wondering if you're hiring." I said those words in my broken Japanese and felt embarrassment flood me.

The man stood up he was a tall guy and It caught me off guard.  As the man rose I got a good look at him. The first thing that I noticed was the fact that he was wearing dog tags.  No he was not "Just"a middle-aged man. You could see the mileage in his body language.      

" You know there is curfew around here right? And from the looks of it your not 18 s, so shouldnt you be home in bed sleeping like a good boy?"

I could smell the alcohol coming off of him. I wanted to know more. Who is he. What has he seen that I havent, and he can speak perfect English.

"I was not aware of the curfew, I will take the blame for that one. But um sir where did you do your service. I am sorry for asking you dont have to tell me anything, but If you give me a job. Its a little hard to explain but I feel like I can learn a lot from you. This probably sounds really crazy doesnt it?

The man sat back down and raised an eyebrow at my proposal and then asked from my name, Still looking at me with this kinda freaked out look in his eyes

"My name is Vance Dodson Sir."

"Hmm You want to pick my brain by working for me? .... While working at convenience store? You are a weird kid, I like that. And if you would know to where and even if served, you should also not judge a book by its cover. You seem the type to do that. Come back here tomorrow morning. I am a little short-handed here. Now take something and get home its late. We will talk about MAYBE giving you a job then."

I might get a job and bonus out of it. HELL Yeah just my cup of tea.