The Darkness Within

The Darkness Within

-Rin Y. Kurosaki

 

You don’t know. You never knew. Well, not really, but in a way. It is like poison.  Spreading and killing from the inside, from within.  Corroding away, eating away, corrupting.  It kills you slowly. Inside your mind, your heart, your soul.  You loose bits and pieces of you, parts that made up your past self. Slowly, slowly you drift.  Lost, in this so-called beautiful world.  

 

Wandering alone in the cold, along the forgotten shores of a different world.  A world of your own creation, your secluded haven. A world where you are loved, cherished, and most of all, understood.  Whether or not that place is a paradise or another depth of the deepest part of hell, you know you are alone.  Alone, alone, alone.  Anchored in two different worlds, torn. What’s reality and what’s fiction blurs together.  Oh, such a thin fragile line. Yet in waking the days drag on.  Always wandering, always searching, always alone. But what for?  It never existed, did it?

 

This cruel perfect world. What is it to you? You say that it’s your home, your world, but deep down in the whisperings of the soul, the world is nothing.  Nothing, really.  You just can’t seem to bring yourself to care anymore. Not a bit,.

 

What is love?  What is this so-called happiness?  You  wonder.  You had laughed, so hard that it hurts.  You were happy right?  You must be.  But what were you feeling then? you can’t recall that feeling. There was no mirth in your soul.  No lightness in your heart. No freedom. Still chained within you. Trapped. Empty. Hollow. Your once majestic wings, still broken. Forever broken.

 

Who is your captor, you ask?  Why, it’s only you, only you. Who is your greatest tormentor? Still you.  For all eternity, it was always you.  Alone in the dark. Only you, and yourself. Alone, tormenting, suffering.

 

The dark, dark night, The moon, so cold, so perfect, so far. The cold one, a mere reflection of it’s more wonderful counterpart. Is it lonely? This cold beauty. Do you feel any loneliness? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. It has been such a long time. Even if you felt lonely, it doesn’t affect you anymore, does it. What is this feeling of loneliness?

 

The passing days, the lingering night, lingering echoes of laughter from a time far, far away, the soft drip of silent tears, the angry welts from broken fingernails, the destroyed belongings, the cold exterior, the looming walls… How can I escape this? How can I be myself again? How? I never wanted this, never did, never did. What made me into this? Why me? Why now? Why……?

 

Take away the pain, the anger, the frustrations. Take it away please. Anything, I would do anything. Anything at all. Take the sorrow away, the misery, the confusion. I can’t stand it anymore, I just can’t. Take the misunderstandings away, the suffering. Strip me of of my shell, try to understand me. Take it all away, the emptiness, the loneliness. Keep me warm, please, don’t leave me here, alone in the cold. Unchain my shackles, unleash my wings. Set me free.

Destroy the darkness within me.