Only in my dreams

The Dream

I slept like a baby that night, only to be awaken by the billowing sea. I woke up, I was already near the beach. "What?! I fell asleep along the way to our hotel?", I said to myself. I am pretty sure, I can almost see the sea from where I stand. I can feel the breeze and hear its sound. "Maria!", called a man with a deep but soothing voice. I turned my head towards the direction of the voice,towards the forest part of the beach, "how on earth can this forested area be done overnight?", I asked myself, " In all fairness, that was fast", I continued telling myself. I see a tall lean physique man standing, he was smiling at me. I was confused at the moment thinking that i knew him because i was smiling at him as well, but my name is not Maria, he must be confused. On my normal day, when a man called me by the other name not my name, I will ditch him for sure, no ifs no buts, no explanation to accept but goodbye. But this man is different, and it is seldom that you will find a person like this. I feel safe with him, I thought. He walks towards my direction, then he held my hand, as if we have known each other a long time ago. He was carrying a picnic basket, I know it was a picnic basket because of the old style, rustic style. "Come... I have something to show you", he said smiling while he held me a bit closer to him. I smiled and just nod my head. We went towards the shore, we walked under the sun and feel the sand touching our feet. I didn't asked him where we will go, i am happy to be with him, wherever it will be, I know he will take me to a place that i will love. He held my hand a bit tighter, but just enough to make me feel secure with him, he smiled at me. The next thing I know was we were already laughing and playing child-like at the sea. The place he brought me was just beautiful. Not much of the conversation just pure fun and bliss. The morning was at its best, he lovingly touched my face as we stood at the shore, we were both drenched by the water of the sea but it was okay, I thought. Though Maria isn't my name, it's okay with me. I wished for  that kind of moment, that kind of moment when you feel that you never felt so much love except for that. I was looking at him closely, our eyes were locked and sealed by the moment, "Why do I feel that I have loved you so much?", I asked him but only to myself but it could be disciphered by the way I looked at him. "Maria", he said while touching my face, "I...", he continued when an explosion broke the moment. We were both stunned and looked at the direction of the explosion. It was at the town.  We looked at each other as I held him tight. His face was the last thing I always wanted to remember. He lovingly looked at me, touched my face and it was almost romance "I have to go", he told me. I ran out of words. I could hardly speak, thousand of emotions succumb my head and my heart. I thought of the what ifs..."what if I will not see him again?", I asked myself, I got scared of the thought and so I didn't let go of his hand, I pleaded to him not to go. Tears was almost to come out while I was trying not to until he told me, "I'll come back. I'll find you", I was somewhat relieved with his assurance that he will come back, I was compelled to decide to let him go, with a heavy heart, I totally did. Tears broke onto my eyes and emotions succumb my heart. I prayed hard for him to come back, I called all the saints and angels to pray for him to our God, for him to be safe and well.

Days passed until I realized, he is not coming back. He died in war. In the course of protecting our future of being together. Everyday I lived seems an eternal death. Not being with the one you have always loved is death in itself. "He is gone forever with my heart", I said while sitting beside the shore. I was surrounded with oceans of emotions. The thought of his face, his smile, the way he touched my hand and how he lovingly looked and touched my face, oh...I will never trade with any other treasures. Him is a treasure himself. I cried, I cried as hard as I could for the thought that tears will take away all these pain, but it never did. One good thing about our love was he was dear to me, he took care of my heart, but the not so good part was the fact that my heart was with him when he left me and it will forever be with him. I cried alone, along the shore where we last spent time together. It was forever, I thought. With the hope in my heart, I know that we will be back forever someday.

It was morning again. I woke up because of hiccups. 'Oh my God!', I was crying. My face, my cheeks, my pillow, all drenched with tears. 'For how long have I been crying?', I asked myself. The last thing I remember was that girl beside the shore. I could not define her pain. How she lost the love of her life, and 'oh yes! The guy...who is he? He seems to be Leonard John from some old days'. Things are clear to my memories, I am sure that the girl was me. It was my face,however, why can I hardly remember his face? He must be Leonard John. I know he is. He is because from the very first day I met him up to the last time I saw him, I don't even remember how he looked like but the feeling has always been the same, comfort, calmness, safety and most of all is love. Not even a hint of his features, except his facade, his height. Oh...I am definitely sure.:-) 

It's still dawn when I decided to go out. It was quiet, though there were folks passing by the beach front, not much. I looked around, 'it seems there was no party last night. Not even a trace of the fateful night is left', I told myself. I saw the couch, there I left my yellow green cotton scarf, I wrapped it around my body, the breeze is cold and the sun is not yet ready to shine. She must still be sleepy. I sat by the couch facing the sea, then I remember Leonard John. 'We must have met in another time', I told myself. I waited for the sun to shine. It has been my habit since I was a kid to sit by the beach front, although I own the place, it is not always the same sunshine that we meet everyday. The sun rises in all her grace. It was lovely, I thought. Then a sudden pinch of pain got my heart...'Leonard John...', I said aloud to myself, 'wherever you are right now, I know that it has always been you and it will always be you...please come back in time. Find me..', I said whispering to the sea. Tears was about to broke out from my eyes when I say those words until, "Bessie, why so early?", Madeleine was there, wrapped with her is her favorite pink scarf. She got up early as well. "You? Why so early Bessie?", I asked. " We don't own the place and so we only have a limited time to enjoy no matter how friends we are with the owner", she answered with a wink. "Hey! I asked you first, why early?", she asked again. "Nothing...same as you said. I wish to enjoy the place awake than asleep", I said with a smile. "What's with the eyes? Have you been crying Bessie?", Madeleine asked. I could not lie to her, she knows when I am trying to, "yes I did cry, but no worries. It's not about Michael...", I said then my face turned serious, " I actually woke up crying Bessie..", looking at her reaction, she was relieved knowing that it was not of Michael that I cried. " then it must really be a bad dream Bessie.." she continued. "Yes, indeed. But it was also a wonderful dream",I said. "Okay then. I will not ask you further Bessie if you are not ready to tell me yet", she said. Then I smiled.

"Hey! You two..early birds. Early chat. Why not eat breakfast first girls?", Uncle Sonny, the owner of the hotel said. "How did you know we were here, uncle?", Madeleine asked. "Well, my staff told me. I already asked my staff to prepare our breakfast, it must be set by now. So, let's go?", uncle sonny asked. Looking at each other, me and Madeleine agreed, "sure, uncle...", we both answered. With a smile, we followed his lead to the dining area of the hotel.