Just A Shadow (RWBY male reader insert)

Chapter 1: The Dark

(Chapter music above if you want to give it a listen, this is my first chapter for my first story so...take it easy on me. This is harder for me than you think, and full disclaimer, stuffs gonna seem weird at first and maybe a bit uncomfortable but just bare with me, it should get better...)

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Y/N POV

"Do not fear the darkness...fear the nothing...after I am gone" - The Nightbringer

It's funny, how much something like a song lyric, or a quote from a fictional character can shape the way we see the world. How something so small, can give us such insight as to how little of the bigger picture we can ever truly see. We see so little of what there really is, and there is a big difference between knowing, or believing, something is real and seeing it with your own two eyes. The absolute size of our reality is enough to rot and destroy the minds of almost any who attempt to comprehend it, and so, we dont. Instead we attempt something even worse in my eyes. We substitute it. People look to the stars and galaxy's and put gods and animals in them. Great prophets wander the world and promise salvation in life...and in death. It is an undeniable quality of man, that we seek to find a meaning, and an understanding in everything we see. So we put higher powers in those things that we cant understand, grasping at straws to fill the void in our knowledge with superstition, and guesswork.

I do not hate the religious, or hold anything against those who find faith in some higher power...if anything I envy them. My entire life I have been...was plagued with a terribly pragmatic and realistic view of our reality. I wanted so so desperately to find faith, to just once look at the stars in the night sky, or smell the moist air in the rain and sense more than what is real. To feel like this world wasnt just some...cosmic fuck up, excusez mon francais. But I never did. My entire life was one road, one concrete path, open yet closed, changing sometimes, concrete to cobble, dirt, tile and dirt. But there was always one terribly persistent and...relentless feature. It never left, never appeared either...but is always stared.

The Dark

The first time I really saw the path I was walking was when I was about four...my name was Michael then...and its about the only thing I remember from that early stage in my life. I will NEVER forget that feeling, it was like sleeping and being wide awake at the same time, like a dream...and a nightmare crashed into one, endless dark. With nothing but a match to light my way. At first I was terrified, the darkness was suffocating, of course I was only a child. I felt like some abomination was going to spring out and grab me at any moment, snuff out my light and leave me lost forever.

I wasn't ready when my light snuffed out for good.

After a while the dark stops being scary...and becomes a home, I didnt even mind the silence at the time, I was just thankful for my little light. And so I grew complacent, and for a moment I was truly happy, I never really smiled, but I was still happy.

The day I opened my eyes for the first time was the day I lost my light.

There was a long time in my life where I saw my mother as the pinnacle of compassion and responsibility. I saw her like a prophet saw his god, surrounded by light. She filled my life with meaning... Then I turned 13...or was I twelve? Sorry, these things sometimes slip away...sometimes I'm scared I'll forget own- ah I'm getting sidetracked again. Where was I...ah yes. 13 seemed to be my unlucky number, that was the first time I saw whatcmy match was made of. Wine and rum, prescription meds and methandphedamine, all of it held together with the worst glue I'd ever seen...