Finding God to Find Myself

Writing things down

As if the action of writing makes it happen. I had purchased a diary in Walmart. I figured I'd order my day by writing down my daily intentions. Here is an example from my diary's to-do list," will pray : will eat healthy breakfast : will go to the gym: will study".  No day is ever the same. Funny though, I can't recall ever perfectly following my "to-do list". If anything, I was a bad influence on it.

I was starting over as they put it, when you migrate to another country. In fact, I was literally starting over. I had sold my car, rented out my house, paid off my credit card, with the help of my sweet mother , sister and brother, and last, and as they say, not least, resigned from my teaching job. Before resigning though, I requested my vacation leave to end with me sending in my
resignation letter. This legal strategy would allow me some cash leverage as I settled in. As a part of your legal right being a permanent worker, you are paid your same salary during your vacation. It was a blessing receiving my salary,monthly, as I transitioned into a new country and a new lifestyle.

Everything seemed new and everything was new. To keep up, I needed to write things down. I simply didn't know what to do with myself. It was a struggle everyday. " How do I start over?", was the question I wrote on every page of my diary. The struggle was real.

I had been baptized two months before migrating and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. We had discussed this move and he had promised to be with me and guide me. He had also promised to restore to me all I had given up and left behind.

Writing was how I kept my mind stable and focused. Writing things down was not my first option, but, alas, it was my only option and my saving grace.

Another page from my to do list, " search the internet for teaching jobs". The struggle could not have become any more real. Now, this was what a challenge was. Less than a month on being here, I was feeling the hardship of trying to find a job on the internet that matched my talent and qualification. For me, this was a culture shock and a new adjustment in applying for jobs. I was familiar with mailing both your resume and cover letter to the place of employment or and walking in, ask for the personnel manager, ask about job vacancy advertised and then personally hand that person, your sealed letter of application. 

I certainly had a very unique strategy of always getting the job I walked in for.  Ok, so here is my strategy: I dressed appropriately  in a body fitted tailored suit., but not tight fitted; just enough makeup to look almost like I woke up like that, but with a but of  POP!  perfect effect that to the viewer, seemed effortlessly done:; keep my smile pleasant, not showing any teeth and not forgetting to smile (smize - a word I think was coined by a beautiful run-way-model ) with my eyes; I exuded confidence, not to be mistaken for arrogance; I politely stated my reason for being there and quiet literally, sold myself to the position; last, but not least, I would hand my letter over with professionally manicured nails; smile and wish my prospective personnel manager an uneventful and productive day; then I just waited. Works every time.

Writing things down is important for future referencing.  Writing things down also allow for re-evaluation and reflection. I have always written things down. I wrote down things I desired or dreamt about. You know how it is said, "to  speak things into being or as if they were", well, I wrote things into being, as if they were.  It's funny though, how I would take up an old diary and read some pages from way -back -when, and wondered where my mind must have been to had written what I did. I don't mean to seem cocky, but if I do, oh well! I would read some pages and I would think to myself, " whoever wrote this, is a brilliant writer," that's me, of course. But, more than that, I have also gone back to some pages to realize that some of my desires had already manifested in tangible forms. I remember writing down that I had gone back to school to get my degree and how pleased my parents had been. I even wrote about how much praises they gave me.  This may sound crazy, but that is exactly how it truly happens. I thought that was so amazingly eerie, or  there was something else going on that I was not seeing.  I suddenly became afraid to read back my old diary, but that's for another story.

Seriously though, I think writing things down has a spiritual effect on the written words, almost like the written words of God and how he manifested our world through his spoken words. 

I have been writing things down since forever. It has been for me, a way of  connecting with who l am and how I think God wants me be. It sort of helps me to align my thoughts and actions with his purpose for me. Alas, I am still searching.