poems

poem

I feel like I am a magnet, same side as  everybody else
Pushing away everyone as tho a bubble is around me keeping them out
I run after them trying to catch up but never being able to grasp anyone's hand
Why do they feel the need to stay away
I feel like I'm drowning in the very things I fear most
Loneliness
Rejection
Everything seems so bleak
So numb
Like in second person
I'm looking through into someone else's world
And still, forever I am trapped out
Never being able to interact with those around me
A narrator forever cursed to watch upon those he seems to know everything about
I just want some connections
Someone to talk to
A friend
Yet I guess something is wrong with me
Why is it I seem to propel people away
Am I destined to be lonely forever
Stuck on the other side of the moon
Watching the earth go round
Wanting the warmth, but stuck in the cold, vast, loneliness of space
Among thousands of stars who seem to dismiss me as simple space debre
Makes me wonder
Well not really wonder
I know this for a fact
I am the problem
I will always be the problem
But never knowing why
My anxiety is pretty bad
So maybe it's for the best
My depressions even worse
So maybe it's for the best
I've been dealing with them for years
Never wanting to let go of them
They are the only things that seemed to stay by my side
There the only ones there though it all
So I let myself drown in them
I keep myself addicted to then like drugs
Even though I know it's not healthy
Even though I know it's wrong
I continue to pump them through my blood
Continue letting it run through my veins
Maybe the numb isnt so bad
It's better than the pain I've dealt with for years
Yet Even when the rare person who comes along
the positive to my negative
Who is drawn to me and me to them
I dont grab there hand
I let myself continue to drown
I continue to stay addicted
Maybe it will end soon
I hope it does
Cause I'm so tired
Maybe it's time to sleep
And go into a comatose like state
Let the darkness of space devoure me
Let the water leak into my lungs and drown me
Let the drugs overcome and become me
Cause I'm done.