Before, girls would be polite to me, ask me how my day is going, or what I was doing over the weekend. Guys would joke with me or ask to copy my homework before class. They used to playfully call me "Mercedes BENZ" in the hallways.
Now, I'm like a cockroach. I get purposely ignored. People shortcut me in the lunch lines, girls call me names and Cheyenne? She absolutely loathes me.
TJ told Cheyenne: I came onto him, got him drunk and I did it all on purpose.
The Monday after the party, TJ huddled me and Little Maria into an empty classroom and promised he wouldn't tell anyone about the video as long as I didn't say anything about that night. His friends convinced him that I was timid and weird and it was harmless if I was into it too.
"Of course I was into it. I liked you, TJ," I mumbled, getting goosebumps from finally telling him how I felt all these years. It felt so shitty because it wasn't the right moment, it wasn't reciprocated and everyone hated me. It made my stomach churn.
He was quiet for a second and stared at me. It felt pitiful, like he felt sorry for me. "I like your hair," was all he responded with.
Little Maria made him swear and threatened him, I distinctly remember, "I was there too, you know. I heard the whole thing. I will fucking ruin you if you do anything stupid. I know you slipped her something. I know everything. Mercy doesn't get that stupid when she drinks, and your little buddies don't know how to keep secrets," she hissed, standing tall and angry over him. "We can press charges you know. We will press charges."
He agreed not to bring it up since his plan didn't work. Chey broke up with her boyfriend, apparently there were other reasons to leave him. He left the party when she started fighting with me. Chey and TJ started dating soon after.
It's been a week since then and multiple tellings of that night have been twisted and turned into me being the bad guy. One girl said that I raped TJ. Another said that I planned the whole night with TJ. I heard a guy in 3rd period say I drugged TJ not the other way around.
One said that I fought with Cheyenne and beat her bloody. And for some reason, everyone's memory of that night just melted into their own version of how it happened.
It was Wednesday morning, Little Maria, White Joe and Corona were eating hot Cheetos from my backpack. They used to eat healthy before me, and then I started bringing snacks to school and Corona personally blames me for his weight gain.
"You can't gain weight from chips, who lied to you? If anything, you lose weight because then you're not hungry after you finish a bag," I explained. My fingers were clean but stained red. To match my hair, White Joe would say. If I got Little Maria to handle my finances, I would find that I spend $30 a week on spicy dyed snacks. Almost $90 a month. Let's just go all out and say $1,460 a year. I can keep going, but it would only depress me even more.
"That physically doesn't make sense," White Joe argued. "It's not how much you eat, but the amount of fat in the foods you eat. Didn't you pass biology Freshman year?"
We were sitting in the hallways, smack in the middle of our separate first period classes. Little Maria gets here at 6am always. Her uncle lives with her family, and his multiple revolving girlfriends make too much noise, so Little Maria catches a ride with her sister to get dropped off at school as early as possible. Corona lives right down the street so he's usually here 10 minutes before class. White Joe gets here at 7 to do all the homework he doesn't do at home and I get here at 5. For no reason other than to talk to Little Maria alone and to just be alone with her.
I tried to get every class with Little Maria for the next semester but then went against it. I don't want to seem clingy, I want to appear strong and unwavering. I don't want anyone to pity me.
