The One With the Internal Struggle

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this...?

**Hey guys! As mentioned, it's been a while since I posted my last story/update. And recently, I wrote another short story! Finally. XD It's not as long as what I usually write but I figured I'd still post it. So, I hope you enjoy! :) **

*Chandler's POV*

It all started with a kiss. A stupid kiss that wasn’t even meant to happen. And yet, here I was still thinking about it days later. 

The feeling of his lips on mine; the feeling of his surprisingly soft hands caressing my slightly pink cheeks. The way, as cheesy as it sounds, time seemed to come to a stop. It seemed to last forever, but at the same time, it was over almost way too quickly. I had been nearly tempted to chase his lips with my own, waiting to taste him again. 

But… I couldn’t be gay. There was no way I could be like my “dad”. The thought alone scared me. My dad had left his family, had left me, to go off and live his life the way he wanted to.

I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. I couldn’t- 

“Chandler?” Rachel’s soft voice broke through my anxiety filled thoughts, causing me to turn on the Central Perk couch to look at her. “Are you okay, sweetie? You’ve been stirring your coffee for the past ten minutes,” she commented, a concerned look on her face. 

My eyes wandered from her face to the others, who were looking at me with the same concerned looks. “M-me? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, my eyes falling back down to my, now slightly cold, coffee. I shrugged it off, trying to assure the others. I took a small sip, nose scrunching up when I tasted just how cold my coffee was. 

I set the coffee cup down letting out a soft sigh as I stood. “I gotta go anyways. See you guys later,” I mumbled out, not wanting for any replies as I headed out of the coffee shop. 

Left with my own thoughts again. Was that really such a good idea? 

*****

It was days later, days full of anxiety and panic attacks for me, and questioning, well… everything, when I walked into Monica and Rachel’s apartment to quiet chatter. It died down completely when I walked into the room, causing me to freeze. The other five were all there, as if waiting for me. “Did I interrupt something?” I asked, an eyebrow raised slightly. The group shared a look, and it only made the pit in my stomach grow bigger. 

Finally, it was Ross who spoke up and broke the silence. “Why don’t you come sit down, man?” he asked, offering a weak smile as he gestured to an empty spot on the couch.

Now it was starting to feel more like an intervention. 

“I’m fine right here,” I said, still stood by the door just in case I needed a quick get away. “What’s going on? What is all of this about?” My patience was wearing thin. The group knew I hated it when I was talked about like this- behind my back. These five were supposed to be my best friends. I thought they’d understand. 

And then I heard Joey’s voice. 

“We’re worried about you,” The Italian replied honestly, causing me to swallow thickly. Had I really been that obvious? “You keep saying you’re fine, but you’re not. Especially since I walked in on you being… weird the other day. Curled up on the ground, crying, and-“

“Please just stop talking,” I growled out softly, completely cutting him off. I knew I’d have to explain myself now especially with seeing the looks on the others’ faces. They were even more concerned now. “It’s not what it sounds like. It was… it was just a small panic attack.” I shrugged it off, a weak smile on my lips. “Nothing to worry about. Let’s just move on,” I added, before beginning to worry my bottom lip between my teeth.