A Rather Important Tale from the Hundred Acre Wood

A Rather Important Expedition

'Now Christopher.'

'What, Daddy?'

'I would like to tell you a rather important tale from the Hundred Acre Wood.'

'Okay.'

'It goes like this. Please remember to always take the moral with you wherever you may go in life. Never be afraid to be yourself.'

'Is that the story?'

'No, Christopher, I'm just giving you a heads up about what you must bear in mind as I am telling it to you.'

'It must be extremely important.'

'It is. For the greatest lessons of them all reside within the blurry perimeters of the H.A.W.'

'Now will you please begin?'

'Okay. I will begin.'

'In a small Pooh-sized dwelling under the name of Sanders, Winnie-Ther-Pooh him-very-self was just waking up at the first shine of the eerie static sun. 'Aargh', he uttered out of absolute exhaustion. He stretched his arms up above his head and glanced up at the purple wall clock displaying 9 o'clock. 'Time for my stoutness exercises', thought Pooh. He ambled across to the full length looking glass and sighed. 'Another long day', he groaned, 'another long day it will be'.

'You there, Pooh!', yelled a bouncy larynx. 'Wassup dude!' 'Oh hello, Tigger', said Pooh, downcast. 'Hey wassup hello and welcome welcome welcome to the land of expectations, to the land of expectations, to the land of expectations, in which we make it our business to expect the unexpected! We don't get many tiggers these days, no we certainly don't get many tiggers these days! She my trap queen, let her hit the bando! I am Fetty Wap, and why the long face?'

'Oh dear, I think you must have a prosthetic eye', grumbled Pooh. 'And as for the length of my frontal dial, I woke up extra tardily this morning, at about 8.59 I think it was, and still need to count my honey pots, and Rabbit had invited me over at noon, and Christopher Robin –'

'Say no more, say no more, you don't have to worry about a thing' Tigger pumped. 'I will always be here, to make sure nobody wakes you'. He then trailed off into song lyrics. 'I know we'll be all right, don't worry about a thing, don't worry about a thing, uh...'

'Yes, Tigger', said Pooh solemnly. 'I, Winnie-The-Pooh, will, from this day forward, be afflicted with a considerably severe case of selective mutism'.

'Why, thank you thank you thank you!' bounced Tigger. 'Oh, and I really must go, although I have yet to fulfil the purpose of this visit which was in fact Justin Bieber's new album!'

'Purpose?', Pooh quizzed him. 'Yup!' said Tigger. 'I'm just heading off to a Ceremony, wanna come?'

'It depends on things', Pooh considered the matter. 'What sort of Ceremony is it?'

'An F-R-double T-Y!' Tigger exclaimed, then explained. 'Rabbit and Christopher Robin and all of Rabbit's friends and relations are all coming on an Estimation to find, well, ummm, Something'.

'You mean an eczema condition, surely', Pooh said gravely. 'And yes, I am seeing Rabbit and Christopher Robin later on'.

'Yippee!' said Tigger. 'Now you know what they invited you for! Maybe we could even reign in Piglet and Eeyore and – oh, hello there, Roo! Everyone in the Forest! Yay!'

'TTFN', said Pooh quietly.

'22, I think it was', Pooh uttered to himself. 'So that's 10 over here, 10 over there, and...oh, where's the last two?' 'Oh, P-p-p-p-Pooh', someone squeaked form the doorway. 'I-I-I thought I would take these for the H-Hippopotamus. T-t-t-Tigger said Sometimes That Happens'.