Red Bull

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I am standing realizing that everything that has ever been told to me was a lie. I look at my mother who has this face on that I don't understand. It's as though she feels good at this moment with her lies. She has a half-smile spreading across her face.

"You've known about this all of our lives?" I realize putting it in question form but never really needed her to answer it. Of course, she knew about this all of our lives.

"Yes."

"You held this in..." I ask her.

"Yes."

Hearing my mother admit this I have no choice but to sit down the edge of the bed in order not to fall. I understand my brother is about to commit suicide and that's something I have to stop but this is heavy on me. So heavy that I sit down. I look over at Jamison realizing how fucked up he must be about this news.

"It doesn't make sense."

"They loved one another and I loved your father so much that I was willing to give him everything."

"Which father?" Jamison asks.

The gun is out of his mouth. He still holds it tight but now tears are streaming from his eyes and there is a weakness to the stance that he has. I know why he is upset.

"I think she's talking about the one you killed," I say.

Jamison squirms at the thought. Joshua gives me a look probably wanting me to shut up at this moment. But I'm not going to. Sparing people's feelings and avoiding the truth is what got us in this place for the first time.

"Yeah...yeah, I killed him."

It was still eating him up.

"It was self-defense," I explain to him, "He was abusive. You have to stop blaming yourself when it comes to this."

"Easy for you to say," Jamison argues, "Everything I touch turns to shit. Everything."

I wonder what specifically Jamison was talking about in this room but I'm scared to ask because he seems like he is going down a downward spiral. So instead of talking I just reach over and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm here for you brother, through whatever you've done."

"You have no idea what I've done..."

"We're here for you anyway," another voice states.

I'm surprised when I see Jamila walk into the room. She walks into the room and puts her hand on my brother's shoulder. From the look of things she already knew the revelation that my mother had given us about who our father is. Maybe that's why she was hiding outside of the house. She's gathered enough strength to be there in the moment that counts, however, and that is what matters.

"I don't deserve your support," Jamison explains, "You all don't realize what I've done."

"That's the thing about us," Jamila explains, "We are Wallaces. Regardless of who our father is, we are Wallaces and for some reason we are flawed. We are imperfect. We fight with each other because of that imperfection."

I nod in agreement, "Well said, Jamila."

"If you are so guilty about what happened with Dad we can fix things. We can reconcile with Simpson like mother said to do."

"He thinks we live in sin," Jamison states, "He won't have it."

"We can only try," I state.

I reach over and hug Jamison. Tears are streaming down his eyes. I understand him for the first time in a long time when he leans over to me and gently whispers, "I only wanted to correct all the fucked up things I've done and all I do is dig myself deeper."