I love you... I still do

Chapter one

Sophie’s POV

I had a rough few years, but there now finally is some peace in my life again. I stopped dating, it isn’t working out anyways. I have a good job and a nice place for me and my kids. Many people are shocked when they find out that I’ve two kids of 6 and almost 4 because I’m only 26. Lilly, the oldest wasn’t planned. I panicked when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn’t even married. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to be with my boyfriend. I’m gay but was pretending to be straight because my parents wanted that. Joshua my boyfriend was amazing. So I decided to keep her. I thought my parents would kill me when they found out but they were extremely supportive. Joshua asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Before I knew it I was pregnant again, Emma is almost 4 now. When she was only 1, Joshua and I got divorced. She never really got to know her dad, Lilly does a little. I don’t think I ever really loved Joshua. The only time love really worked for me was when I was 16. I had an amazing girlfriend that I just adored and who really loved me. We were perfect together. We didn’t break up because we didn’t love each other anymore,we broke up because we were too young for a long distance relationship. That just didn’t work. I had to move to Dublin when I was 18 because of my parents they thought I was too young to live all by myself, we had to move because of my dad’s job. When I moved back to London I first wanted to visit her but I never did. It may sound weird but I still miss her, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t broke up. But then I wouldn’t have Lilly and Emma, they mean the absolute world to me. I moved back to London after Joshua and I got divorced.  Sometimes I wish my kids had a dad or even another mom, but they don’t. I will never love anyone as much as I love them. The person who came closest to that was my first love.  

(Ten year earlier)

Sophie’s POV

My “best” friend’s birthday party was tomorrow, her sweet sixteen. She invited everyone she knows. So that means she invited the bullies to. We used to be best friends but now she is pretending that she doesn’t even know me just because she is scared to get bullied too. People don’t really like me because I’m not like them. I’m only fifteen, you want to fit in but I’m not sure if I want to be someone I’m not. When we’re not in school then she knows me and talks to me and is my best friend and everything. I don’t know if I’m happy with that. But it’s better than no friend at all. I just hope everyone ignores me tomorrow, so I can at least enjoy the cake. It’s not like I’m fat, I just really love cake. Maybe I’m making it bigger than necessary, maybe it won’t be that bad. 

I was just lying in my bed trying to sleep. But my mind kept going. I tried everything, until I fell asleep at three in the morning. I woke up at one the next morning. Lisa’s, my “best” friend, party starts at two. I took a shower, got dressed and did my make as fast as I could. I didn’t have time to eat. I almost forgot the present I bought her. Normally it was really easy to buy her a present but this year I couldn’t think of anything. I bought her a gift card, it isn’t very original but I couldn’t think of anything better. I arrived at hers 15 minutes late. Everyone was already there. At first I didn’t want to go in, I don’t think l Lisa would even notice me. But I had to; I don’t want to fight with her she is my only “friend”. Lisa was not really paying attention to me as I came in. She didn’t take time for me, she didn’t even open my gift she just put it with the others. I went to sit down on a chair in the back with a slice of cake and a glass of water. I felt really lonely, and just looked at my class mates all making fun. I don’t know for how long I sat there when Lisa finally came to speak to me. ‘I’m sorry Sophie, I didn’t really think this trough…’ she said. ‘It is okay’ I told her, actually it was not but I didn’t want to make her feel bad at her birthday. Her mom called for her, I didn’t really hear what she said, but Lisa seemed to really like it and run to the front door. It made me curious, it seems like someone or something special arrived. She walked back into the room with a girl around or age behind her. I didn’t know the girl but she seems like a nice person. She had brown hair, green eyes and was really tall. I was tall to so it was nice to meet another tall girl. Lisa talked to her for a while. Later she went back to her new friends and let the girl alone. It looked like she felt just as miserable and lonely as I. after a while I decided to go up to her and talk to her. ‘Hi, I’m Sophie.’ I said, putting my hand out to her. The girl smiled at me and gave me a hand. ‘I’m Jessica.’ she said. ‘Nice to meet you Jessica’ I said. ‘How do you know Lisa?’ I asked her. ‘Lisa is my cousin. I honestly don’t understand why she invited me. I don’t know anyone.’ she said. ‘How do you know Lisa?’ she asked me. ‘I’m in her class’ I told her. ‘Really, it seemed like you didn’t really know anyone.’ she said. I was a bid surprised by her reaction at first but then I realized she was right, I hadn’t talked to any of the others. ‘My classmates don’t really like me; Lisa is my friend. I honestly didn't really want to go; I’m here just for her.’ I told her. ‘I didn’t really want to go either, but I had to cause she is my cousin.’ she said, she was really friendly I liked her a lot.  ‘Luckily you are here; maybe we could have fun together as we are not going to have a lot of fun with the others. And Lisa won’t spend a lot of time with us.’ She said smiling; she has a very pretty smile. ‘I’m in!’ we grabbed some cake and drinks and went in another room away from the others. We talked about anything; school, family, where we lived, what we wanted to do, hobbies, literally anything. We found out our lives were really different. She is going to the Britt school, studying musical theater. She is in a girl group the support a campaign for mother against guns. She wanted to become a singer. I’m in a normal school want to become a teacher and have no musical talent. Even though we were so different we really clicked. We had a lot of fun. When Jessica’s mom came to pick her up we gave each other phone numbers and I decided to go home too. I sm glad I did go to the party otherwise I wouldn’t have met Jessica and I really like her. I have never clicked with someone like I did with here. I think I found my new best friend. I thought to myself with a big smile on my face. I hope she doesn’t think I’m crazy like most people think.

That night I fell asleep really easily. Probably because I barely slept the night before, but also because I feel good and I’m not that used to that feeling. When you get bullied like me it’s hard to feel good. Some night I even cry myself asleep because I feel so terrible and I have nobody to talk to. I am very scared that if I tell my mom she will be disappointed in me because I’m not as popular as my brothers and sister. I’m the youngest of four. I have two older brothers Dylan and Jake. Dylan is 17; he has straight A’s and still is very popular. Jake is the oldest he is 22; he was popular to and excelled in football he could even get a scholarship, but he wanted to become a lawyer like my mom. Then you have my sister Jasmine, she is 19 and studying to become a doctor her grade where good and she was head cheerleader. I guess you saw it coming.  My mom is always extremely proud of them, they are perfect. I feel like I’m not good enough, I’m not perfect. Dylan and Jasmine look a lot like my mom in their personality, and Jake wants to be a lawyer just like her. I don’t look like her at all. I feel like she wants me to be her, but I’m not. It’s not easy not fitting in anywhere.

The next morning I woke up by the sun shining through the windows. It was nice, until I realized it was January. It is dark in the morning when I go to school, OMG I’m too late for school. I jump out of my bed. And start to get ready to go to school. Then I realize it is Sunday and I don’t need to go to school. I was all dressed up and everything so I couldn’t go back to sleep. Not that I’m that tired. So I decide to watch some TV. There is nothing on, so I watch some teleshopping I find it funny how they try to make you believe that those products actually work like that and make themselves look like fools. It’s not like I’m stupid. After a while I got hungry and eat something. Just as I took a bite the started phone ringing. Seriously!? I try to sew as fast as I can, but I end up choking on my food. I get to phone while I’m still choking and try my hardest to answer it. ‘Sophie Wilson speaking’ I try to say.

‘Hi Sophie, it’s me Jessica.’