My Light

     "I'm scared," Lilly says in the quietest voice I have ever heard her use. She looks at me with her big, brown eyes and I feel a twitch in my heart.

     "Why are you scared?" I ask her as I take her hand and stroke it slowly with my thumb. I'm scared to hold it too hard for she is so thin now that I feel I could break her. 

     She seems to contemplate her answer before she speaks. "I'm scared of dying," she whispers and I feel like I can't breathe for a second. "I'm scared of what happens. What happens when I close my eyes? Where do I go? Will I become a ghost and be trapped, watching everyone I love suffer?"

     I try to concentrate on her eyes and not the many wires and tubes that surround her body as I think about what I will say. "You shouldn't be scared, Lil," I say with the cheeriest voice I can manage. "You're just going to close your eyes, and this massive wave of relief will wash over you. You'll feel the most calm you've ever felt in your life; you'll finally be at peace, you won't feel that pain anymore."

     "But how can I feel peace when I know I'm leaving you behind? I can't live without you, Adam."

     "But you won't have to," I say and force out a laugh. I see a small smile creep upon her lips but I can still see the terror in her eyes. I lean up and kiss those beautiful lips of hers secretly wishing I could put some life back into her grey body. "I swear to you Lilly that everything will be okay. I don't know where you're going to go, but I promise you that you'll finally feel at peace. Just because you're leaving me, doesn't mean you won't always be my light."

     She looks from my eyes to my mouth, pulls me close and places her lips against mine again. I feel like crying at that moment but I don't let myself, I concentrate on how soft her lips are, how they can still make my heart beat faster after all these years. She slowly pulls away as I stand up and get on her hospital bed with her. You're not allowed, but at this moment in time I don't think anyone would care. She gently pulls my head down to lie on her chest and I wrap my arms around her, tighter than I have ever dared to in the past few months. 

     I look up at the beautiful love of my life, my partner in crime, my soul mate. My heart is in my throat as I see her close her eyes and I start to panic.

     "Adam?" she whispers, even quieter than before. 

     "Yes, my darling?" I say as I lift a shaking hand up to stroke her now cold face.

     "I'm going to go now," she says as a small smile forms on her lips. She opens her eyes and looks down at me as she weakly squeezes my shoulders closer to her.

     I can't help but let tears fall from my eyes as I hold her so tightly and kiss her lips again and again. I'm stroking her face and her hair and the last place my hand falls is on her chest; right on her heart.

     She lifts up her finger and whipes my tears away. "I've never loved anyone like I had the privelage of loving you, Mr Moore," she whispers to me, her face so close our noses are touching.

     I close my eyes as she closes hers and kiss each one of her beautiful, young eyelids. "And I never thought someone could change my life like you did, Mrs Moore. I will never stop loving you, even when you're gone."

     As I say those final words I feel her grip on me loosen and her heart slows almost to a stop. Shes parts her lips and mutters my name one last time before she is gone.