Home | an ejen ali x bbb fanfiction [✔️]

1 | The Pain

Ali never wanted to become an agent.

Despite what all others claim, his enthusiasm was fake, his heroism played. He had to act like that, right? That's what an agent is supposed to be. They're supposed to save people, to make everything better.

He was not one of those people. He was afraid. He was scared that they might kill him and retrieve IRIS. They'd proven that they wouldn't hesitate to be rid of a life, especially one that would interfere in their future plans.

Nobody understood how he felt. Alicia grew up under General Rama's care, and she worked hard to become an agent. She didn't despite being an agent, only hating her father's restrictions because she was his daughter, and he was going to protect the only daughter he had.

Ali was different. He'd stumbled into a world of danger by accident, forced to risk his life for the better of the city. While everyone had given their consent, he was pushed into this world because of IRIS.

He wanted to quit. Meeting Nikki had changed his life for the better, but it was proven to be a lie. He realized as much as he hated the life of an agent, he didn't want the people he met along the way to die, no matter how much he hated them or how bad they treated him.

To make things worse, his mother, Aliya was an agent. He was, yet again, expected to be greater than the rest. For what? Just because he wielded IRIS by accident? Just because his mother's blood ran through him? He could control none of those factors. He was just a regular boy whose life hated him.

He hated himself.

Why are you so hung up about your mother!? I never had a dad, or a mom... but I have MATA. And I'm grateful.

Shut up, was what he wanted to tell Alicia. Why did she have the right to fault his experiences over hers? They had vastly different lives, they grew up under different circumstances, and yet she told him to wake up because she had it worse than him.

No. She didn't have it worse. She grew up with sufficient love and care under General Rama and his gang, and she wanted this life. But did it matter? One's sadness does not negate another. She has no right to defile his pains in such a dismissive manner. This was not a pity party.

Both his parents were astounding people. And Ali was just... well, him. He failed in school, had no special talents, and just existed.

When he worked with Nikki, he thought he was making a difference in the world, that he could finally live up to his parents' namesake. He'd help them steal azurium and get supplies for the Outskirts, but all he found was betrayal.

He was back to square one. And this time, there was no escaping. To leave was to die, but wouldn't death be a better choice?

Would the world be better after I died?

One way to find out...

If it wasn't for Viktor visiting at the wrong time, Ali would have sliced his wrist open in his room that day. They fought and Viktor managed to wrestle the scissors from Ali's hands, but the situation didn't stop there.

Viktor called his mother to come, all the while keeping check on his best friend. Dr. Ghazali was still at work, for he would only return after midnight.

"Aiyoh, why would you do this to yourself?" Viktor sat down on Ali's bed, next to him. Ali was curled up into a fetal position, and he didn't make a sound. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"

Ali looked up and glanced at him, his eyes moist from tears. "I—" he sniffed. "I don't know. It was just an impulse. I don't know why."

Viktor, for the first time, was truly speechless.

"Would your life be better after I was gone?"

"What? Of course no—"

"I'm just a letdown, Vik." Ali cut him off. "I can't do anything right."

"Ali," Viktor said firmly. "You helped the people in the outskirts. You're the reason that they're getting attention from the government."

"That's not me. My dad's helping them. Not me."

"Yeah, but you were the one that found them first," Viktor reasoned. "Without you, your dad wouldn't have known. Don't be too hard on yourself."

Ali fell silent once more. He knew what exactly happened, and he knew his dad knew. Even so, it wasn't his dad's fault. He'd read through Vikram's files, and it was Dato Othman that prevented his dad from doing anything. The same man that founded MATA.

He hated himself, but he hated this world even more.