It was always you

Chapter 15

-Grohl 2019-

It was evening and I needed some air. I had been inside this apartment for which seemed like an eternity and the walls seemed to be shrinking, to come closer. I stood and walked over to the hallway and put on a black hoodie, pulled the hoodie over my head and walked out in the chilly evening air. I took a deep breath and let the air fill my lungs. It made me calm. My apartment were close to a park so I decided on taking a walk over there. I put my hands in the front pocket and started to walk.

After that call me and Jordyn had started dating. And even though my heart wasnt in it I really liked this girl. She was funny, charming and very pretty. If I was gonna do this thing for the band I had found the perfect girl to be with.

Taylor went in to rehab and later that year we started to record our next album. It was the first album for Chris. We had hired this big producer and was gonna record it in his million dollar studio. Everything with that recording process went on autopilot. We came there, recorded and went home. But the heart wasn't there. Poor Chris looked really confused about it all. At the same time Taylor was still struggling and went to AA meetings to try to patch his life together again. He had also started dating this girl, Alison. Seeing her on Taylors arm were so painful. But I was with Jordyn now. And I had to bury all the feelings I still had for Taylor in a box and put it away. It took us four months to record the first draft of what would become One by One, and when it all was finished - it sounded like crap!

I was so disappointed on how things had gone with the album, it hurt to see Taylor with Alison and I just needed a break. When the opportunity opened for me to be the drummer on Queens of the Stoneage tour in the beginning of 2002 I accepted it without hesitation. I needed to feel the joy for music again. And I did! Touring with them made me enjoying music for the first time since I had come back to the states after everything that had happened in England. Was it here I belonged now? In this band? I really didnt know anymore.

-2002-

It was the end of April and the festival season had just started. I had been on tour with Queens of the Stoneage for a couple of months and the tour would end with a gig at the Coachella festival. At the same time Foo Fighters would play at the same festival. One festival, two bands and one day each. This was the first performance for Foo Fighters since everything that had happened in London, the first time playing together since we had recorded that awful album and the first time back together. We were gathered in the jam room to go through the set list and get the feeling back together. But still there was something that just wasn't right. We didn't joke around as we used to, we just played song after song after song. We were like fucking machines. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. I looked around at my band. We were fucking off. There was something missing. We used to enjoy this, we used to have fun. Now we was barley talking and the beat was off. And Taylor, he barley looked at me anymore. I made an inner sigh - I had no idea how to fix this.

When we had finished playing "Monkey Wrench" Chris just put down his guitar on the floor. Everyone looked at him.

"Hey, I don't know if I'm the only one, but you, like, could cut the air in here with a fucking knife. What the fuck is going on?!" Chris asked

At first everyone was just quiet until Nate broke the silence

"Yeah..." He said "Somethings fucking off."

Both Chris and Nate stood and looked over at Taylor who was drumming nervously on his knees with his hand. I looked over at him too. I realised that we hadn't really talked since his OD. I had no idea what was going on with him. I didn't know how he was doing or anything. And we usually knew every little detail about what was going on in each other's lives. Taylor felt all eyes on him and I could see something snap inside him.