we are flowers {cake au}

chapter 7; what is love, and do we feel it? (october 5)

hiiiiii i just wanted to say it may seem like things are moving too quickly, seeing as it was only chapter 6 when calum told luke he loves him, but i've already worked a lot of stuff out and calum's confession is crucial at this point for the story to go on as planned :-))))))) also i highly recommend you listen to this song

· 。* 。· 。* 。·

and i won't try to pretend,
i've got it all figured out,
that i don't have any doubts,
i've got a busted heart
i need you now
busted heart (hold on to me); for king and country

✿ luke ✿
for the past six days, luke has not said any thing about what calum said. it's friday, now, and they always go out on fridays. but luke's not sure about tonight.

he's mostly not sure because he's not certain that calum meant what he said.

they're just two boys and the one thing luke's dad made sure he knew is that homosexuality is a sin. but hatred is technically also a sin, and he's certain he hates his father.

customarily, a significant other (in luke and calum's case, a boyfriend) is pivotal in the healing process. but if people would actually use their head, they'd know that in order to be able to love some one else, one must first love them selves. luke has not quite gotten there.

luke doesn't know what to say, and even if he did, he probably wouldn't know how to say it. it feels like he's walking on eggshells. both he and calum are so fragile. he's not sure if an advance in their relationship is right. either boy can so easily be destroyed, so easily broken down in to fragments of death and it may be risky.

luke wonders if any one ever isn't hurt by love. love is a common endeavor, and heartbreak is a common residuum. is it worth it?

maybe he's overthinking this. maybe luke's a nice guy, and calum's a nice guy, and for the time being, they can just be together and have a nice time. maybe he should take some time for himself, though. luke's least favourite part of being alone, he decides, is that he has to deal with complications like this one.

in an act of spontaneity and compassion, luke bursts off of his gardening knees and over to calum's porch.

he knocks on the door, almost desperately, and shouts, "hey, calum, i really need to talk to you!"

calum appears a moment later (the moment was luke tapping his feet and cracking his knuckles and biting his lip) and looks tired but also hot as fuck (luke has noticed an attraction to calum's appearance for sure).

"hi, lukey, is some thing wrong?"

"yeah. some thing's very wrong. we're both boys. and we lay in bed and kiss and make out and some times we touch each other and you told me you love me. but homosexuality is a sin!"

"luke-"

"it's wrong, calum, but if it's wrong- i'm sorry, god-" luke looks at the sky. "-i don't want to be right." he looks back at calum.
"and it's not just that, cally. you're breaking me in the best ways. you're breaking me but you're also piecing me back together, and i don't get that. but i like it."

"is it bad that i meant it? when i said i love you?"

"no."

"is it bad that i regret saying it?"

"not at all."

he hates you. he doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you. he hates you, because you are worthless and stupid. nobody will ever love you, except your mother, but she's dead. you're alone.