Ocean - A Short Story About Depression

Shorter version - the original

This was the original idea for this story, which I sent over a message to a friend. There are still parts of this that I love but didn't know how to incorporate into the story at the time.

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I sometimes compare it to drowning, but still being able to breathe.

I imagine the ocean being the depression, and I was so anxious and afraid of my future, and the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

I walk up to the ocean, and it calls to me, "I can bring you peace, just enter my waters and I will protect you. I will comfort you."

So I step into its depths, and the water surrounds me. I see my world moving around me, but it is all blurred by the waters.

"I don't feel better with you around me," I say to the waters, "nothing around me is changing, I thought it would get better?"

But the water only holds on tighter, "but I do comfort you don't I?" And I cannot deny the ocean. I did feel safe, like no one could hurt me though people still said things that bothered me.

But I suffocated quietly for so long. No one could see the clear water over my skin, no help was offered because none was asked. Sadness was an ally, and happiness was an illusion. I could never leave these waters. What would protect me beyond this? What was life like before I stepped in?

But from the depths of my inner being a voice called, there's more to life than being sad... you have a strong spirit, you let fear bind it.

Did I let fear of being without my fear hold me back? Was there something outside of being in the waters?

The Lord grabbed my hand and pulled me from the depths of the ocean, and I breathed for the first time in a long time. I didn't not let my burdens float around me in the ocean, still taunting me with tasks that had to be done. I let the Lord take them, to let him do the things I was not capable of doing, no matter how much I thought I could.

And though I still walk the ocean's edge at times, I do not let it drown me like I had before.