Tired of being lonely

Lonely

I was in middle school and realized that I didn't fit in with other people and I was new to everything. My 6th grade year, I was still young and felt like an outcast as time passed, and so I wasn't confident in myself but it was really because I was rejected by girls plenty of times and I didn't have that many friends. I then thought that I was unattractive and insecure about a lot of things and I also thought I would have true friends but that wasn't true. I started to walk on my own everyday and just thinking to myself will I ever be happy with myself if people won't even accept me for who I am. I was always lonely even when I was around a lot of people, I was lonely on the inside and even the thought of trying to fit in I was unable to do so. When will my sorrow end? I wish I could have someone in my life that I could fully trust. When I remember the friends so linked together, I saw fall like wintry weather, I feel like one who treads alone, feeling as if I'm broken like a stone. When I got in high school I met this one girl that I never thought I would find attractive and her name was Ifra. We didn't really talk like that but eventually we started talking every now and then but she was military connected and she wasn't staying for very long. So when she left I was depressed and lost part of my motivation because I never met a girl like her. I didn't talk to anyone for awhile but I knew that I had to get over her eventually because I'm still in high school and I had to learn that this was all temporary. I became more delicate and insecure but knowing that I wasn't alone anymore I felt relieved, but I still wasn't feeling good about myself and I still kinda felt lonely on the inside and that no one really understood me or what I was going through. I've had a lot of experiences with all kinds of situations and relationships and yet I wasn't in my own relationship, however, I was able to help others with theirs. Considering that I've made good friends and I learned how to accept what happened in the past, for I cannot change what happened but my past made me smart and intelligent about myself and others relationships and so I'm grateful for having that past for a memory that I've learned from. I realized that I didn't need to try and fit in with the rest of the crowd because I knew that my differences made me unique and special as a person. I was better off standing out rather than fitting in and knowing this and truly believing it made me less miserable now. I felt more confident in myself and I'm better off alone sometimes to focus on what's more important to me and my future. Although I'm delicate on a lot of things now but I intend to not let that get to me anymore like it has before.