Don't Go.

“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears, as I stared at my boyfriend, Himchan. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe them.

“I said, I think we should break up” Himchan shifted from foot to foot, avoiding my gaze as he studied the hard wood floor.

“Why? What did I do?” I desperately wanted for him to take it back, for him to say it was a joke and that there was no way he would ever break up with me. Because we were meant to be together. Our friends had even come up with a nick name for us. BangHim. To symbolize that we were together.  His voice pulled me back into reality.

“It’s just; I’ve lost feelings for you. I used to love you, and I still do, but not that way. You’re just a hyung to me.”

The room was spinning. This can’t be. This was not happening, I was going to wake up in my bed, and then phone Himchan and we were going to go out on a date, or play video games. This was just a nightmare that my tired brain had conjured up.

“You’re joking. I’m going to wake up, and this isn’t going to be true” I stuttered, trying to convince myself that. Himchan looked at me with pity. I snapped. I didn’t want his sympathy, for him too look at me like I was pathetic.

“Get out” I ground out between my teeth

“Can we just talk about this?” Himchan looked at me. What was there to talk about? My boyfriend told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He didn’t love me. I was alone.

“Get. Out!” I grabbed him by his shirt collar and dragged him out of my apartment. “Don’t ever come back!”

I slammed the door shut on his stunned face. Even when looking surprised, he was beautiful. I shuffled into the kitchen, and pulled out a bottle of soju. Opening it, I took a long drink and sat down in the couch. How could this be happening? We had been together for 2 years. Two long, happy, fun years. And never, not once, did Himchan give any clues that he might not have loved him. When was the last time they were together? Last Saturday, at the club. We were dancing and drinking, and it was fun. Was Himchan looking at other people? I didn’t remember. Wait. One man came up to Himchan and I while we were dancing. He seemed to know Himchan well, but when I asked him about it, he had just said that they knew each other from work. Himchan had brushed it off, and said that they should go get coffee. Maybe Himchan was cheating on him. The young man was certainly handsome and danced well.

Suddenly, I had a very large headache. I walked to the bathroom and pulled out some Tylenol. I had once read that you shouldn’t take pills and alcohol, but by this point I didn’t care. I shook out three, and swallowed them with a large mouthful of soju. Taking the bottle of pills and my drink with me, I stumbled to the kitchen. Sitting down, I thought of the first time Himchan and I had met. 2 years ago. Three days from now would be our anniversary.

*flashback*

“Hyung, I want you to meet my friend, Himchan” Daehyun introduced the two older males, who shook hands.

“You go to my school, don’t you?” Himchan asked. Yongguk was surprised. With such a feminine face, he would have expected a higher pitched tone, but his deep voice nearly matched Yongguk’s.

“Yeah, I think so. You study traditional music, don’t you?” Yongguk had seen him walking around with his friends, other pretty faced boys. That was why they had never talked before; they hung out with different crowds. I hung out with other rappers, from Soul Connection under the name of Jepp Blackman. There would have been no reason for Himchan to know that, who hung out with other ulzzang’s listening to music that to Yongguk, found horrible.