JOURNEY || JinKook ☑️

TWO - My Son

Our company has been developing a new system for a big client and it's keeping me busy lately. I am tired most of the days and will only come home to shower and sleep.

"Did you find a school for Soobin?" Namjoon asked with a lot of documents in his arms. "School year is already approaching."

"Fuck!" I cover my face with my hands. I completely forgot about it. "Damn! I forgot!"

Namjoon shakes his head. "Kook, did you ever ask your son if he's eating well? Or what he's doing when he's home with his grandpa? I mean, maybe he's not complaining now but once he got a grip on what's going on, I bet he will start to ask you about the setup."

I've been struggling to be a great father and the company Chairman. But ever since Ken died, I already forgot how to organize my time between my son and my company. I know it's bad but I lost my will to about everything.

"Is Jimin going to enroll Jihoon? I think he's four, right? Why don't you bring Soobin to the same school?" Namjoon suggested and I think it's a good idea.

"I will ask Jimin to bring Soobin." I agreed. I mean, I think it's better. At least, someone will look after my son.

Namjoon clicked his tongue. "Kook, that's not what I mean. I said YOU bring Soobin there and not ask Jimin to bring Soobin."

"But Joon, I'm busy."

Namjoon sighs. I know how much he wanted me to balance my life. I think I can but the will is not there. At work, I can almost forget about everything. When I'm home and with my son, Ken's memories just keep on flashing right before my eyes.

"Are you doing that because you're 'busy' or because you don't want to do it? Look, when you and Ken were still together, you always find time to be with him. Soobin is his living memory. You should take care of that. It's because you don't want to try and be a father. You always rely on others to take care and look after him. Once it has become your norm, I'm afraid one day, Soobin will forget that you're his father or if he has a father."

What Namjoon said hits me hard. My son is important to me. I'm working hard to give him a better future. But I don't know why it's so hard for me to be with him. True, Soobin is his living memory but at the same time, Soobin keeps on reminding what I've lost.

"Jungkook, I would like to remind you that it's not Soobin's fault if his father died. Because if you will ask me, Soobin will never choose not to have a father to look after him. Yes, he's seven and maybe he knows how to take care of himself but the emotional and mental care that he needs should come from you. You're the father, not his grandpa, not Taehyung's parents, not Jimin, it's you."

"Why don't you talk to your son and ask him what's in his mind? What if he's crying himself to sleep because he misses you but has no courage to tell you? Don't let him grow far away from you. Remember, Ken chose you to be the father. Taehyung was about to adopt the child. Ken trusted you enough that you will be a great father to Soobin. If he only knew that you will act like this, I'm afraid if he will give Soobin to you."

Taehyung, my step-brother, was Ken's ex-boyfriend. Funny how step-brothers fell in love with the same man. But then, when Ken got sick, Taehyung let him go, not because he didn't love him but because he knew that Ken is still in love with me and that I am the real father of the child.

Taehyung already filed for petition to adopt Ken's son but he canceled it when he learned that I am the father. He knew that I did not abandoned my son and Ken. He knew that I went crazy looking for Ken but my mom drove him away from me.

Namjoon was right. Taehyung and Ken gave their full trust to me that I will be a great father. I sometimes question myself if I have the right to be called a father.

Soobin is playing with his robot when I arrived home. He is particularly obsessed with robots recently but he loves a particular robot and doesn't want anyone to touch it. He did not greet me. He's just on the cushioned floor and is busy detaching and attaching the arms and legs of his favorite toy.

I smiled and sat on the cushioned floor. Taehyung's mom, whom Soobin fondly referred to as Nana, is currently in the kitchen preparing dinner for us. Something that she should be doing for my father and not for me.

"Did you help Nana with the household chores Soobin?" I put Soobin on my lap as I attach the legs on the robot.

Soobin did not answer. He's not really talkative. At seven, he is a reserved boy. One more problem I have with him, he has difficulty in learning. The reason why I want to transfer him to a different school. I believe the school he used to attend was useless.

Soobin is also a loner. He will only get hyper when I will mention Jihoon's name because it means to play.

"He's a good boy. But I noticed he can play with that robot almost the whole day." Nana said with concern laced in her voice.

I guess what Taehyung and Namjoon have been telling me is starting to sink in. Perhaps, my son is like this, reserved and loner, because he doesn't have one particular family to be with. Maybe he's craving for attention.

"You want a new robot?" I asked but he did not even look. "Daddy will buy a new robot for you, do you like that?" Still, no answer.

"Dinner is ready!" Nana said and Soobin jumped from his seat to run to the dining room leaving me behind. It's as if he didn't see me.