BOOK ONE | jace wayland imagines

17. i'm not good for you part two

STORY CREATED BY xcrawlerwood

"You can not do that! Are you serious?" Izzy begin "Please tell me it's a joke. She can not force you to do such a horrible things!"

"Maryse does not force me, i accepted." i explain for the four time.
It's been a week since Jace and me are returned from the mission. Since that day i have not spoken with Jace, i try my best to avoid him and it's simple because of the missions and because he spends his free time with Clary or alone in his room. Unfortunalely it's not the same for Maryse, two days later she called me in her office.

"I called you to talk about something very important. Sit down." she orders "Obviously you know what happened." she continues as i sit in front of her and i nod.
A few days ago it has been discovered that Maryse e Robert were in the Circle and now everyone thinks that they cannot trust the Lightwood anymore. I do not know what to think, lately i don't have a good connection with Maryse but she remains the only mother figure to me and i owe her a lot and before this period she was always normal to me. Just like Robert, he was and is always kind to me, he never treated me differently from his children. They have made bad choices, but they were young and impressionable. Now they have changed and they are doing everything possible to change their position. Alec and Isabelle did not take the news very well. She behaves normally and she says she is ok but it's was a shock for everyone and i am her Parabatai so i know when she is not ok. But we support each other, she helps me with well...everything and i help her through this and for whatever she need me. Alec was furious at first, he always put his family first instead of himself and his parents never told him about their past in the Circle. Fortunatly Max is not at the Istitute, he is too young for this, he is very clever for his age but it is a complicated situation and he is still a child.
"Well, we need you for bring again the Lightwood's name to the light. You're our only hope and as a member of this family is one of your duties."
"Now i'm a family member? Lately you do not treat me like one." i remind her.
"I treat you like everyone, you're a Shadowhunters. There is no room for sentimentality, especially since Valentine returned. We need our people to trust us. If you want to do something to help, well, i have a proposal. With this you can help Isabelle, Alec, Jace, Max and all of us, you can help your family." she says and she know that she is right, she hit my weakness. In all these years i've never found a proper way to thank Maryse e Robert, they saved me and it seems that now it's my time to save them. She's right.
"Fine, what should i do?" i say, if there is anything i can do to repay them i'll do it. Maybe if i do what she want me to do she'll treat me better, she could treat me like a real family member and not like a burden. I want her to accept me, i don't know way but i need her approval, she may be a difficult person to interact with but she is a very strong e powerful woman and i respect her.
"I know you would have accepted. To fix this problem we need a solid union between two of the most important families, us and the Penstorm! You'll marry James Blackwine." she says and i froze. I...WHAT? She must have hit her head somewhere or maybe i was training with Izzy and i have bumped my head and now i am dreaming. It is a madness.
"What?! I can not marry a stranger. I am an adult technically but i will not marry."
"This is the only way, they are the most important family at the moment. They occupy an important position in the Clave and we need this. If you marry James Penstorm we might have the power and respect that they took away from us. I know his family very well and i know that James is ok with the marriage, in fact it was his idea. He keeps his eye on you since the first time he saw you in Idris. I know you can do it, you're an amazing young Shadowhunters and with this you can save us and could take you in high position. Sometimes we have no choice, we must do what is right." she says and it seems she have already decided. I have no choice, she's right...again. I'm a Shadowhunters first, i can't let the emotions take over on me. Until now they not brought me nothing but sadness, for Jace i'm nothing and i never will be anything. Maybe this is the sing that i should turn the page and forget him or maybe he finally notice me in that way, but who i am trying to convince? It's impossible and it will be too late. You know what? I am tired of thinking and i am tired to wait for someone that not love me the way i do, i want to be undestood and loved. Less think, more doing.
"Ok, i'll do it." i say at the end.

Currently i am in my room with a very disgusted Izzy and an angry Alec.
"Guys, really it's ok, i want to do this. If i marry James Blackwine i can save the name of the family. We can't risk anything now. If this is the only way i'll do it even i you like it or not. I appreciate your support and i love you both but this is my decision and finally i can do something to repay your parents. I need you both, please?"
"I do not like this idea you know. You do not have to prove anything and Jace is such a fool if he has not noticed you. I don't say this because i am is Parabatai and we swar to protect each other and all...but is a jerk sometimes." Alec jokes and we start laugh. "This is the wrost idea i've ever heard, it is not right that you have to fix a mistake done by our parents! But if you want to do it i am with you and if you want to get back i am with you." he ends.
"I agree with him. I hate the idea that you have to marry someone to save our ass and if you do that only to forget Jace don't do it, there are plentys way for that, but if you really what to marry him ok. I will always be by your side, we took an oath, remeber?" Izzy smile.
"I do not do this for Jace. Yes, also because of him but his not the main reason. I want do it for save our family. I cannot let them ask you such a thing Izzy, he asked for me and a marriage is not for you at the moment. I have nothing to lose. And, Alec, we all know you cannot marry someone that is not Magnus, you love him and he love you too and finally you are happy with a-a-a magnificent saxy warlock and you can't let him go." I say and then take a deep breath, I didn't realize how fast I was and i not even breathing in the middle of my speaking. I look the two siblings in front of me only to find them to look at me shocked.
"Breathes and inspire honey. We appreciate the fact that you thought of us and probably we would have done the same. I am with you only if i can ne the bridesmaid and you know what that means, right? BACHELOR PARTY!" Izzy says, now it is my turn to ne shocked, i look at Alec for help.
"Slow down Izzy, now we just have to worry about how to tell everyone." says firmly Alec.
I let myself fall on the bad and buried my head in the pillow hoping that it is just a nightmare. As long as i have these two by my side everything will be fine...right?