A biography?

Welcome

I don't remember when exactly I reached this city, but it was definitely hectic and filled with tons of rush. I bid farewell to my friends from hometown and flew to the city I've visited every single year for the past 3 years.

It was tough graduating high school.
Knowing all this people you've bonded and trusted so much will no longer spend their days with you; or the fact that none of them will be in the same city as you anymore.
It was heartbreaking.

I was naive when I first arrived. I thought it was finally the time I'm free from all the gates of obedience. Free from all the naggings and questionings.
I was indeed free from them, but it came with a bigger price.
Bigger than my childish-ass ever expected.
I am only approaching 20 years old and I can guarantee you, life is fucking tough.

This wouldn't be the first time me saying life is tough. I've said it across my life for the past 10 years.
As year passed by every single day after my ninth birthday, I've finally understood the ugly truth of life: death
An inescapable game called life. How fun it is lays flat on your palms
It was pressuring me as I realized I wanted to live the most out of my life. I didn't want to end up working my life away. I didn't want to be like my parents

Naive.
Selfish.
Immature.
Indeed, I was all of the above. I still feel like it even at this very moment.
I'm nowhere near to growing up now.
I'm nowhere close to being responsible.
However,
for an unspeakable reason,
I've had enough of this game.

Singapore, the City of Pain.
The biggest nemesis of my life's RPG, yet.
I signed up for a culinary diploma in a not-so famous institution. It was not the greatest, but they provided extensive knowledges. Sufficient enough to let me survive in the real deal. I started off knowing absolutely no one and burning my weekends travelling the city with my one and only sister.
One and another semester kept passing and my cliques kept changing too.
Dramas here and there. Faking and cheating whores on one side, spicy-tongued on another, perverted horny boys here and there, not to mention the entire school was filled with perfectly masked up breathing dolls.
I have a problem in socializing.
Not because I don't know how to but instead, my lust and need to have everyone in liking me.
I recalled the first two semester was just me trying hard to please and befriend every single decent people i found. No, i hate perverted horny boys so, they are definitely out of context here.
I was absolute absolute absolute-fucking-ly stupid and needy. Gosh, I am truly disgusted of myself.
Striving to befriend everyone by lying here and there or befriending two different sides of the drama, yeah, those were not some Eureka ideas.
They were utterly terrible and finally became my first downfall in this city.

A break down.
Choosing sides.
Nobody.
Absolutely nobody
Lonely,
but who was there for me to reach out to?

Still hustling all alone, I stopped.
I finally snapped out of my insanity
I quit trying to be the spotlight every single time.
I quit trying to be the nice easy-going lying bitch.
I quit caring about the tests, scores and all the GPA nonsense (not that there was ever a moment I cared for it)
In short, peak of my first two semesters was that I quit socializing.
I quit
To go back to where i was from.
Home; if that is I ever had one.

To build a home, it took more than just stones and woods.
What i truly needed is just a "somebody" I can speak my heart to.
A warm connection of two souls talking about nothing and everything.
A friend, a mentor, a lover, a girl, a boy, a human being
Just a pair of ears and brain for opinions are more than enough to me.
More than the world.

I went back to my hometown not long after.
I was looking forward to it.
I needed a break as my masks were shattering. I really thought it would be a good way to rest.
I was wrong.

I went back just to find out that nobody will remain like how you left them.
You changed, I changed.
The trust and relationship?
Yes, they changed horribly too.
Nothing remains
Even the bonds you have with your own creators.
They'll change too.

I've always had a different vision from my parents. They are more old-fashioned I should say and I have always been the kid that tries hard to be extraordinary. In my parents' vision, I should be working a decent job with a good pay and build a family. The end.
No roaming the world, no trying dangerous shit, no making impulsive decisions, just in summary, no stupid crazy shit.
While me here, an idiot crack head, who is clearly visioning nothing further than having most fun out of my life, easily opposes all their ideas.
I wouldn't say our relationship is bad.
I'd put it that we rarely stay on the same page anymore.
Yeah, that's a good enough term.

After a disastrous trip back home, I was becoming a little grateful I was placed in this city for education. That was yet to be broken with the tragedies that soon crashed one by one after that.

And so, without any warnings, I welcomed myself to the city of pain.
My city of pain