Powerless

Chapter one

   Life is something short. We live it every day, but every night, everyone is in their own world. A place to be themselves and it does not matter if you are in the "In Crowd" or not. When your head goes down on that pillow, everything bad is gone, your fears, tears, worries and struggles. When you sleep, there is a land everybody goes to. This is unfortunately my case, which not that many people understand. This is my life, the life hardly anyone was allowed to see.

   I’m a 15 year old freshman, at a school, and I know I do not belong in that place whatsoever. Most of my so called “friends” began dating each other, and I’m lucky I even get to talk to them without them making out. So you can basically say I’m friendless. I’m on the varsity football team, and I’m pretty sure my teammates don’t even like me, and yet, I feel like they like me to a point. It’s just one of those complicated relationships in my life.

   It’s not that much better at home. There’s constant fighting, and it doesn’t help that I don’t live with my parents. Yup, that’s right. I’m a freshman in high school without parents. My dad is a complete jerk who only comes around once every few months or so. I don’t see my mom because she died when I was about two.  Due to this, I live with my psychotic older brother, Nate. He believes the only solution to everything in my life is destroying it, and pretending you are fine even when they aren’t.

  Well, I guess I should tell you a little more about myself, Right? My names Jace, and like I said before, I’m fifteen years old. I have no clue what the future brings for me or anyone. I’ve grown up playing football and baseball, but I’d rather just sit alone and listen to music, but it’ll be the day pigs fly My grades aren’t the highest but I know I’m gonna get killed if I don’t try. Nate’s planning my life to become a surgeon, just like him… But just from the little you know about me, you and I both know it’s not true. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, right now; I do not plan to know anything. All I know is that I want to enjoy my life and not plan ahead, but it’s basically impossible. 

Theres alot more to hate myself about then there is good in my life. So what do I do? It's not like the world around me is going to notice how much I basically hate myself more then anything else. I'm always told to calm down, and just focus on the good in my life. But how do I do this while the world around me is nothing but trouble, and everything you want is not given to you. People tell me to stay strong, but you cannot tell someone in the mental state of mine to do so... It just makes us weaker, and feels more out of place.