Collection of Madness

"Pickles!"

"Pickles!! I got some pickles!!!"

WHAT THE HEAVEN?!

"I have a jar of pickles! I have a jar of pickles! I have- Au!"

"Shut up!"

Idiots.

"Ash! Frederico hit me!!!"

Don't you dare get up, Sascha.

"You deserved it."

"I didn't do anything!"

"You woke me up! You jumped on me and woke me up! You danced on me!"

"I bought myself some pickles!"

Don't you dare get up!

"Not a reason to terrorise the entire apartment with your horrible singing!"

"I'm a good singer!"

"No your not."

"Yes I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes, and you don't get to tell me otherwise."

"N-"

"The lord have mercy on you two! I need to pee and you are blocking the bathroom!"

"He hit me!"

"Yes, after you jumped-"

"BY SATAN!! I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

Great. They woke up the witch.

"I got us some pickles!"

"And we all haven't slept in three days because of your bullshit!"

"I can make myself a pickle-mustard-sandwich!"

Hey! What are you doing? Put the blanket back over us. No. Ash, no. We deserve some sleep. Ash, no. Very bad human. You hear? You are a very bad human.

"Please! Guys! I had pack training until midnight! I need some sleep."

"And you woke up the werewolf."

"I did no such thing!"

"Really? Who the fuck is screaming at four o'clock in the morning?"

"Ash! They are teaming up on me! Help!"

I hate you.

"I swear by Dracula's fangs, if you all aren't going to be quiet in ten seconds, I am leaving my casket and drinking you all dry!"

"Over my holy water, vampire!"

"Burn me in church, father!"

"I will! After I went to the toilet, that is!"

At least put on some socks, human. The floor is cold.

"Jesus Christ, just go."

"Don't you dare say his name in vain!"

No, not those. The fuzzy ones. The pink fuzzy socks with hello kitty on them.

"I'm hungry."

"Yeah, me too."

"I am thirsty."

"We are out of blood. And food."

"Great."

"Ash, do you have food?"

"Ash! We are starving!"

"Ash!"

"Ash!"

"Ash!"

Alright, let's go feed the kids.

"I'm up. I'm up."

"I am hungry."

"Me, too."

"Okay, how much money do we have?"

--------------------

"Yeah, that isn't going to get us far."

"Aren't you rich, or something?"
"Who, me?"

"No, the ghost living in the toilet."

"We have a ghost living in our toilet?"

"No, stupid."
"But you just said-"

"Lucian. I meant Lucian."

"I may be a vampire and I may be three hundred years old but I am not Edward Cullen and this is not twilight. I am broke just like the rest of us."

"Didn't we had at least fifty dollars yesterday?"

"Yep."

"Did we buy anything."

"I didn't."

"Why are you all staring at me?"

"How many jars of pickles have you bought exactly, Jerry?"

"A few?"

"A few as in?"

"Jerry? Why are you grinning?"

"You won't like it."

"Jerry. How. Many. Jars. Of. Pickles. Did. You. Buy."

"Just answer the vampire, Jerry. He turns into bats when he is grumpy. I don't want bats in this house. The old lady next door is too nosy. Lucifer would kill her."

Damn right I would.

"Okay, so. I bought a few."

"Meaning?"

"You will hate me guys."

"Trust me, we already are."

"Well, keep in mind: I am still the most awesome roommate you will ever have."

"Oh for fuck's sake. Just show us."

"Alright."

"What are you doing with my suitcase? And Rico's? And Lucian's?"

"The cashier gave me the same look you are giving me now."

"JERRY!"

"Alright, alright. Hold your horses. Here it comes."

"I hate you."

"Hey Rico, can you pass me another jar?"

"You sure? It's your third."

"Yeah, well. Lucian is at his fifth.

"Okay."

"Hey, Ash. How many have you had?"

"We had twelve. We will eat thirteen."

"Alright. Number thirteen coming up."

"Oh and Lucifer?"

"Yeah?"

"Cool socks."

"Thank you. I love hello kitty."