* Beep. Beep. Beep.* I reach out my arm, knocking stuff off of my drawer as I try to turn off my alarm. The clock reads 6:01 A.M.. I rub at the crusty eyeliner on my eyes that I forgot to take off last night. It's a rainy, Tuesday morning. What a GREAT way to start off my morning. I lay in bed for ten minutes, then finally have the courage to get up. I step out of bed and slip on my slippers, its freezing cold. I pass by the mirror, looking at my reflection, telling myself how ugly I am. No. Positive thoughts Jenna, positive thoughts. My therapist told me to tell myself one positive thought every morning. I look into the mirror and tell myself "I am beautiful." What's the point of this? I'm just lying to myself. This isn't going to change what I think about myself, and it definitely doesn't stop the rude comments I get at school.
I look down at my phone after putting on mascara, and see I received a text from Lexi. Lexi is my best friend. She has long, blonde hair that she usually braids to the side, and these blue eyes that just pop like a firework. She's beautiful, and she's really popular too. She plays second base on our school softball team. I'm so glad I can call her my best friend.
I get dressed and rush to put my shoes on. My ride is here to pick me up. I carpool with our neighbor down the street, Ryan. His family is kind of weird, but I need the ride, so I go with them anyway. We get dropped off at the front of the school and when I get out of the car I see Lexi. I run up to her and give her the biggest hug. The kind of hug you would give someone when you haven't seen them in a long time.
"Are you okay Lexi?" There's something different about her, about her smile, its not a smile. It's more of a frown. She doesn't say a word and just nods her head, so we continue walking into the school. I stare at our school, reading the words 'Philip High School' over again, trying to take pride in my school. The school was rebuilt a year ago, and the school already looks like trash
I walk into the school, and I have the feeling of people staring at me. Its almost like am insecurity. As I stare at the people around me, the words "fat, ugly, stupid, worthless" run through my mind. The bell rings and everybody starts walking to class. Me, I'm standing in the middle of the hall wondering if I'll make it through today. First and second period go by fast, but when third period comes its slow as a snail. Crap. Of course we're taking a test today. Well there goes my grade. The bell rings and I feel like I did horrible on the test. I suck at these kind of things along with sports, instruments, making friends, I have no hobby's because I'm can't so anything. I suck at everything let's put it at that.
Its lunch time finally. I have third lunch, and Lexi has first lunch, so I have nobody to sit with. I usually just hang out in the library and read books. Our school library is pretty big, and its nice looking too. The chairs are really comfortable, its like your sitting on a fluffy cloud. They're a purplish color, its a color that makes you feel warm inside, I don't know how to explain it. Finally fourth period comes and it goes by faster than first and second. I decided to take the bus home today, but that was a big mistake. The bus I take is in the loudest out of all the other buses. Go figure that I always get stuck on a crappy buses.
Paper airplanes fly across the bus a as we drive on the bumpy road. One of the paper airplanes lands by me and I pick it up, only its not a paper airplane. Its a note. I open it and just stare at the words that appear on the piece of paper, and out of nowhere I just start crying and crying. Everybody, literally the whole bus is staring at me so I demand the bus driver to stop so I can get off of the bus and walk home the rest of the way.
How is it a get called a slut? I mean, I've never slept with a guy. God I've never even kissed a guy let alone have a boyfriend! It makes no sense to me. Gosh I don't know why I met it get to me. I always get called names like these. I hear people say " oh I get called names so many times, I'm used to." But me? I just can't take it. I was at that whole "I'm used to it" stage but now I just can't take it, and ever since they made that video about me, its been really bad, and they took this "name calling" to a whole new level.
I get home, except I'm not in my home. The front door won't open and the back door is locked. I could climb up to my parents balcony, but they probably locked that door. I try to push open the door, as its jammed, but I can't get it open. Wow how could've I been so stupid? The hidden key duh Jenna! I use a chair that's on my front porch and I grab the extra key on top of the door. I open the front door to a bug mess in the house. If this was some other person opening the door, you would've thought I was robbed, but I know it was my brother who made such a big mess. I run to the kitchen because the phone is ringing, its Dani! "Hey gurlll!" She sounds so happy, there must be some good news. "Hey," I say calmly. "GUESS WHO ASKD ME OUT!! CARTER!!" great, now I get to listen to her love story will I sit over here being a "slut". "Oh cool. I'm happy for you" She can tell I'm not happy for her and easily gets annoyed with me, so she hangs up.
