Complicated

Chapter 1: Denial

Hug him!

No! Don't hug him, he'll think you're clingy!

Will not! He'll hug you back!

Out of pity.

"Just shut up!!!" I shake my head and yell this aloud drawing stares from all round.

Pft, well nowbyou've done it

It seems sometimes that my thoughts get out of hand, I debate back and forth all the time with them. Most of the time I don't know the difference between what I say out loud and in my head.

I bite my lip and stare up at him and he looks hurt, "I didn't mean you..." Apologize!!!! "Sorry..."

"Uh it's alright," he forces a forgiving smile and it wrenches at me on the inside.

"S-so how bout lunch?" Realsmooth, you know it's bad when your thoughts give you sarcasm.

"Yeah, sure," he uncrosses his feet to stand up straight and props himself off the locker he was leaning on.

This heightens my spirits a bit and I smile and we head down the hallway towards the cafeteria. He stares forward giving me the chance to stare at him as I walk. Long dark brown hair that looks very soft to the touch, and his eyes, deep brown that could beat a puppy dog at its best.

I shake my head and feel awkward immediately. It's not often I goggle over a guy, in fact it never happens, he's different though. We've been really close friends for years now and I would do whatever it takes to keep that, its just these stupid hormones. I blame them for everything, I figured I was done with guys, completely over with relationships. Between my family and my old relationships you'd think I would have learned better.

I feel a stiff arm extend in front of me to stop me from walking straight into a group of guys.

Shit, watch where you're going!

He looks down at me smirking without a word and I feel the sudden urge to punch him. I do, straight in the gut to and he seems upset...for some reason.

"What was that for!"

"You were pissing me off."

He chuckles realizing and the smirk returns, "Oh really."

"Shut up," I stomp off towards the table that my friends usually sit at and he follows close behind.

Well you could apologize

Well you could be quiet

We both take our usual spots, me at the corner of the table and him beside me at a the very end. He crosses his arms in front of him on the table and rests his head on them.

"You don't have food again, do you?"

He laughs without a word but that's all I need. I offer to share my lunch with him and after a bit of convincing he finally complies.

"Sauron?"

"Mm?" He looks up from the sandwich he was eating.

"Sorry..."

"Huh? For what?"

"Hitting you..." I stare down at my knees not daring to look at his face but I can feel the chuckle he does under his breath and then his hand on my head, rustling my hair.

"It's ok."

I look up about to reject to his assessment of the situation but stop myself and immediately look back down.

You like him back, so just admit it.

I do not, and he doesn't like me either.

Oh really, so do you just confess to random guys you don't like?

Well um...no, but I already turned him down so it doesn't matter now.

I glance up to see him still grinning and bite my lip. He's so...amazing....he's funny, kind, awkward, random, and I always have the longing feeling of being close to him. If I could just stay by his side forever I would be content. I want to stay friends with him...so much could go wrong if it went further.

I don't want my heart to get broken and I don't want to break his. I also don't want to ruin our close friendship. We've known each other since we were kids and only now am I getting awkward around him. We were always so calm around each other before but ever since he confessed, I can't look him in the eye for more than a few seconds.

He thinks that I hate him and just want him to back off but... well I don't even know what I want...its just so...complicated...