Spoken

Week 2

10/20/2012

3:03pm

 

My dad is home and I feel like nothing has changed. He was transferred to another military base, and not wanting to move my family, he went to live there by himself. Yeah he’s in another state, but he’s only 3 hours away. I feel a little guilty for it, but whatever. I'm a junior. I have to start looking for colleges soon and all my favorite colleges are here. Plus that would mess up everything I worked for, my student council position, my class ranking (#6 bitches!), and playing soccer. Plus, when he is home, the only thing that changes is the humor. My dad is pretty hilarious. He's taking a nap which I should be doing because I had to get up at freaking 6 for a PSAT which I think I might have failed because it was hard and I was tired. Augh. Maybe I'll sleep now.

 

10-21-2012

11:30am

I feel sick. My game is soon and I’m prepared but still. What if I mess up and fail epically? What if I fall on my face? I would do that too. Great pep talk, me.

4:00pm

Worst game ever. We won but still, I messed up a lot and now I'm crying again because one of the goals was my fault! It was a corner and it bounced off one of our girls and an opposite player headed it in right over me. I'm very thankful that my friend is in my team. I thought she didn't like me at first but we've became really cool. She came to me and asked me if I was okay and I explained to her that I have never liked the ball hitting my face. She told me that none of it was my fault. I adore her. I later broke down in the car and my dad calmed me down. I really love my father. I wish I was tall like he was, and as skinny. I take more after my mother, and my sister more after my father. I will forever be one of the only girls not taller than her mother. It's sad. Soccer means everything to me and I wanted to quit today. I mean what’s the point? I'm never going to make the big leagues. Why try? I'm going to fail. Like everything else. Pro sports aren’t reliable. Not good. Dreams suck.

9:08pm

My dad just left again. I won't see him for another 4 days. My heart is breaking and keeps on breaking. I don't think my mother can take more of this and we're only a couple weeks in. He's going to be gone for 2 years. I will probably never live with my father again, since I plan on going to college. It's really sad and makes me want to cry every time. I should probably stop; I already feel the tears welling up.

 

10-22-2012

2:56 pm

My mother gets mad for no reason whatsoever. She is getting made because she asked me when she is supposed to pay for my class ring. I told her that she had paid it full and she didn't believe me. She told me to start looking for some envelope and I had no clue what envelope and that if there was one, she probably had it. She started telling me to shut up because she'll get p-ed off. Seriously? All I did was ask some questions and she's getting mad? My mother makes no sense to me and then I get frustrated. She started saying that she was going to take my purse that I got for my birthday. MY birthday. How is she going to take my purse? She said it’s because I don't wear purses anyway. How does she know? Maybe one day I want to wear my purse! Plus, I'm in school and a purse is too much of a hassle. She was being really rude about it, and I got mad. Trying to steal my purse.