As I entered the library, my eyes instinctively searched for the person whom I looking for. Immediately, my eyes fixated at the corner of the library.
She is there.
She is there and is busy reading a book. I smiled when I saw her face again. My mood becomes better everytime I see her.
Sadly, she doesn't seem to notice me.
I walked towards her direction and seated two tables away from her. I opened my bag and brought out my notebook. The notebook which contains all my poems I made for her. If only I have the courage to give it to her. If only I have the courage to tell her that for two years I secretly love her.
Two years.
I love her the first time I saw her. That was two years ago. I saw her walking around the school ground with a confused and worried face. I still remembered the feelings that overcame me upon seeing her face. I felt something weird for the first time. It's the first time that I was tongue tied and mesmerized by the person standing in front of me. The odd thing was, the person standing in front of him was not that beautiful nor pretty if compared to the girls he had dated in the past or worked with in his modeling jobs. The girl standing in front of him is just simple. Her face is naked and without any make up in it. Even without any make up, her lips are naturally pinkish red which openly inviting me to have a taste. Her long black hair is neatly pony tailed in her back. She wore a simple shirt and jeans paired with an old sneakers. Everything about her simple....and ordinary....yet....his heart was captured by this simple girl. When I have gotten back my tongue; I gave her the right direction. She thanked me properly and walked away. Sinundan ko ito ng tingin palayo habang napailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. Natorpe ako for the first time. I didn't have the courage to ask for her name and let her go away like that.
I chuckled when I remembered my katorpehan. Shi*t! Siya na hinahabol ng mga babae at iniidolo ng marami, natotorpe?! Unbelievable!
I secretly glance towards her direction. Busy pa rin ito sa pagbabasa. Binalik ko na ulit tingin ko sa notebook ko. I wonder when will be the time she will notice me. She seems oblivious about my presence. Everytime I am near her, parang wala lang dito. Minsan, tinulungan ko itong pulutin mga nabitawan yata nitong mga libro. Handa na sana akong makipagkaibigan dito ng magulat na lang ako ng bigla itong tumakbo palayo pagkaabot ko nung mga books. Nasaktan ako sa ginawa nito. Pakiramdam ko kasi ayaw nito sa akin. Baka ayaw nitong makipagkaibigan sa isang tulad kong may reputasyong playboy. But I'm not really a playboy. Girls come and surround me like bees. I dated girls but I date them one a time. Hindi ako nagsasabay ng mga dinadate. Kung alam lang sana nito iyon.
Isa pang dahilan kaya natotorpe ako sa kanya ay dahil parang ang taas-taas nito. Parang ang taas ng standard nito at malabong magkagusto sa isang tulad ko. Nalaman ko lang naman dati na consistent Dean’s Lister Number One pala ito. Madalas din itong isali ng school nila sa iba't ibang contests sa national at sa lahat ng iyon, ito ang nag-uuwi ng trophy.
Magkakagusto ba sa akin ang isang genius yata na tulad nito sa isang tulad ko?
Sighed...
Iba talaga nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Malalim. Hanggang pagpikit ng mata ko sa pagtulog ko, mukha nito ang laging laman nun. Pati sa panaginip ko, naroroon pa rin ito. Ngayon lang nangyari sa akin ang ganito. For two years, palihim lang akong sumusulyap at pinapanood ito mula sa malayo.
Nang muli akong palihim na tumingin dito, nakita kong bigla itong tumayo at nagtungo sa corner ng mga book shelves. Sinundan ko na lang ulit ito ng tingin palayo.
May namuong malungkot na ngiti sa aking labi.
Hanggang tingin na lang ba siya lagi?
When will I have the courage to tell her that I love her?
If only I can tell her...
