Insect Politics

Chapter 1

Caleb Davis hastily pulled a bag of potato chips out of his backpack. The bag made annoying rustling sounds as he opened it, and even more annoying crunching sounds as he noisily stuffed them into his mouth. All the while his friend Imani Hughes watched him with a disgusted expression on her face.

"Didn't your mom ever tell you: your food can't actually run away?" Imani asked.

"Yes she did and then one time when I was eight my food actually did run away, so ever since then i've learned: I need to eat faster." Caleb replied feeling annoyed.

Caleb and Imani had been working as security officers together at Eastman laboratories a biological research facility for the better part of two years. They spent eight hours a day together in a cold drab reception area, and in that time they'd become very close friends.

"Seriously why are you eating like a starving goat?" Imani asked.

"I had a date tonight before work, and I don't eat on first dates, so I'm starving." Caleb answered.

"Why don't you eat on first dates?" She asked.

"Seriously? Look at how disgusting I am when I eat." Caleb said pointing to all the crumbs on his shirt.

"Do you really think I want to make a first impression on a beautiful girl like this?" He continued.

"You could always try not eating like a filthy animal." Imani said.

"How about you live your life your way and I live my life my way? Anymore questions mom?" Caleb asked.

"As a matter of fact i do son. How was your date?" She asked.

"Not great." Caleb answered.

"You know it seems like you have a new first date with a different girl every week and they never seem to go well. At first I felt sorry for you. I thought you were unfortunate and the women you were dating were idiots, but now I'm starting to think you're just a douche bag." Imani said.

"I don't want to lie to you. It's both of those things." Caleb said.

"Seriously though: what did you do to screw it up?" Imani asked.

"I don't know man. Do you remember that joke i told you last week about the fish market and the blind guy?" Caleb asked.

"Yeah. What about it?" Imani asked.

"Well I told that joke on the date tonight, and it didn't go over so well. As a matter of fact the girl seemed offended." Caleb answered.

"Bruh! You told a joke about smelly vaginas over dinner, and you wonder why that woman might have been offended?" Imani asked laughing.

"I guess when you say it like that: it makes me look like a huge idiot." Caleb said.

"You need to learn about something called tact my dude. If you have a revoltingly dark sense of humor: you don't just unload it in a strangers face like a double barrelled shotgun. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters before you jump in. Know what I mean? You never know what might offend a person." Imani said.

"You loved that joke." Caleb said.

"Not every girl is blessed with a dope sense of humor such as mine." Imani said.

"Most women that I meet just generally don't seem to have a very dark sense of humor, and that's what I like. I find things like dead babies, farts, and dirty rotten private parts hilarious, and I want the woman I call my girlfriend to share that same sense of humor." Caleb said.

"Good luck with that. Every girl I've ever known in my life tends to enjoy more high brow humor. I like to think it's because us ladies have a higher maturity level." Imani said while giving Caleb a wink.