It was the year 2009. I was a child. So young. So... Happy. I remember my mother picking up her cell phone. Smiling. But quickly her smile turned to a frown. As she hung up the phone. She rested her head on the steering wheel. My face slowly turned to a frown too. "Your abuelito is in the hospital". My heart dropped. Imagine this. A young child. So happy one second. Torn the next. I let out a soft whimper. "Whats wrong with him?". I didn't fully understand what was going on. My eyes suddenly had an extra weight on them. My abuelito (grandfather), had gotten salmonella poison. He was very sick. I went to visit him. Luckily they managed to make him feel better. A couple days later i went to go visit him at his home. I remember seeing him walk out. I don't know what it was, but he just didn't seem "healthy". Even though the doctors said he was good to go home, i knew something was wrong. But I didn't speak of it. Another week had passed. We got a call from my uncle, "bring alicia to the hospital to say good bye to her abuelito". I remember my mothers voice cracking "whaat do you mean?"(in spanish). She hung up and told me what was going on. He had gotten cancer. Once again my eyes felt heavy. Then... I just broke. I lay on the ground, hands covering my face, crying as hard as i ever have. I didn't move. I just was there, not knowing what to do, or how to feel. "God help me, please be a dream". But it wasn't a dream. It was real. A nightmare. But in real life. The world seemed to cave in on me. It all seemed unreal. My other grandfather (from my mothers side) came over. He tried to comfort me. But all i could do was cry, cry, cry. Later that night he and my grandmother took me to the hospital to visit him. He was still alive. Imagine being a ten year old girl. Seeing your younger cousins being in the hospital. Laughing and playing. Wondering why they could be so happy. And you so sad. Trying to smile. But somehow your mouth frozen with a frown. That was how i felt.
My older cousin took me to see my abuelito in his room. He was asleep. I walk up to the bed. So scared. I see him laying there. Skin yellower than it should be. He looked so helpless. I was so scared to touch his hand. But i did. I held it. Careful. Cautious. I felt as if i was holding the most fragile of glass. Not wanting to drop it. Or move it. I gently put his hand down and with my cousin, leave the room. I felt horrible leaving him there. I didn't want to. But i did.
All my family from Mexico was there. They were all in a room praying. They were so sad. So depressed. Of corse, just as i was. Later that night i left and went home. I didn't talk to anyone that night. I closed the whole world off. But how? I was a child. A child shouldn't feel that way. But i did.
I don't remember how long it was. But i again went to the hospital. My uncle drove me there. I remember being in the car with him. He played this song that i will never forget. Volver Volver by Vicente Fernandez. Along with other songs by that artist. We arrived to the hospital. Again my family praying. Kids playing. Me breaking. I don't remember much that happened after that. I don't remember the exact day he died. But it was a sad day.
Thats all i know. The day of his funeral. My grandmother and grandfather (from my moms side) took me. I walk into the funeral home, heart beating so hard. I was scared it was going to jump out of my chest. I see all my family (from my dads side). Im afraid to look over to the front. Because i didn't want it to be over yet. I wished he was still here. I wish he would take me to murf's Ice cream. I wish he would take me to seven mile fair. But i knew it wasn't going to happen. That was what i feared the most. Saying goodbye. Especially the last one.
But of corse the time had to come. I slowly walk up to the casket and look. I see him laying there. In a nice suit. His mouth sewed in the fakest smile ever. I didn't like it. But it was him. I kneel down in the bench. Put my hands together, close my eyes, and say a prayer.
I get up and touch him one last time. Close my eyes. They're sore and dry from crying the past weeks. But somehow i let out one single tear drop; and at that moment it was just me and my grandfathers dead body, And for the last time, I whispered "goodbye".
