Love

How I See Love...

I think about love. I dream about falling in love. I worry about heartbreak.

The heart struggling to breathe because the rhythm of the beat is going at lightning speed, unable to keep up resulting it to burst out of the chest is what people feel when they start to fall in love. It takes me to another world. Questions come forth of how one word can control someone's passion and desires. Wanting a happy ending, a connection so in sync with the heart and mind, and the feelings that have never been known until it happens intrigues me.

When I think of love, reality starts to fade, opening a fantasy of enlightened rapture. Reading about others falling in love spreads an irregular beat from my heart into my soul. Physically, I can feel the beats coming from my teeth all the way to my toes. At the most enchanting parts, my voice has a mind of its own. Whether the love story is beautiful or tragic, tears instinctively sprang out of my eyes like a geyser erupting for the first time. The way the author expresses the character's emotions induces my body to experience the drive of ecstasy filling my bones with curiosity.

It's easy to read, dream, or even hear other love stories, but I fear love for myself. I've seen when love doesn't lift oneself up, but scatters into millions of broken pieces. I am scared to get hurt by someone, that the dream swirling in my mind suddenly disappears.

I can't truly understand love until actually experiencing it. I study love from books, psychological articles, and my family because I want to know more. No matter how much research or stories from friends, I know it's not what is expected. There isn't one story, but millions that are similar yet so far apart meaning no one can really have a true grasp of generality for love. I may be scared, but no one can control that feeling once it sparks. I can't run away because no matter how much I hide from it, I will eventually be found.

I will start my new life in college this year in the fall. Instead of cowering to the taunts in my head, I am not going to let it control my life. Instead, I am going to break free from the anxiety and try to be out there. I will not let the fear of love keep me isolated because it will be easier. I am going to face the fear and make new friends during college and see how life may go. By doing so, connections and long life friendships could be found. If I happen to find someone during the time, I'll deal with it head on and not avoid it. I'm ready to face it once it finds me because fear can be squashed and not only will I have knowledge of the fantasy, but the unknown truth within my grasp.