late night thoughts

What if?

What if he doesn't like me anymore? He hasn't responded in five hours. What if he doesn't like me anymore? What if he's had enough of me? What if he's cheating on me? I mean technically it's not cheating if you're not officially dating, right? No! They're still my feelings he's gonna hurt if he does that. But he won't, I'm sure he won't. And I know he's busy. He has his job, he has school work to do, he has to help his parents renovate the house. I know that's the reason he's not responding to me. But is it really? Or am I just blinded by the love I feel for him? Probably. My friend warned me for this guy. Did I listen? Did I care? Fuck no. That's how badly in love I am. He can be so sweet. He defenitly has a soft side. And I know that tomorrow morning, I'll have a snapchat from him, and we'll talk for a little while and everything is good. But the past three days have been like this one. He wakes up, sends me some snapchats, and gets back to whatever he's doing and than I don't hear anything from him. I mean it's not like this everyday. Some days he works incredibly hard and some days he's a bit lazy and he'll hangout with his friends and we'll have funny conversations. I don't complain to him about this, because despite it all I am so proud of him. I also don't wanna be that girl, you know? The clingy one who doesn't let him have his freedom. I want him to enjoy life. A week ago or so, it was late in the evening, around 11:30PM, and he snapchatted me saying he was exhausted. I told him I'm proud of him. When he's really tired, he tends to ignore snapchats. Not because he's grumpy or anything, but because he just forgets and puts his phone away. But that night we had a really great conversation. He told me that he wished I was there with him. It made me so intensely happy and it gave me such a warm feeling inside. Sometimes I wish he would have more moments like that. The thing is, he goes days without giving me that affection and than days where he's all sweet. So that's why I know we're still good and he's not having second thoughts or anything. I just love him so much. It's overwhelming. I think about losing him sometimes and it hurts me. Because I've lost him once, which was my fault, so I know how it feels to not have him. It fucking hurts like hell. I have never cried over a guy and during the time I didn't have him I cried several times because I missed him so much. I can not loose him. I just can't. And I know he's not the type to just bash out. He's not an overthinker like I am. He's not a person that worries to much, like I do. It's because of those things that we work so well together. He's the cherry to my pie. He's the finishing touch on a painting. He calms my storms without even knowing it. He's the best person I have ever met. I love him. That's it.