sorry i lied to you jaida
i'm actually doing bad
pretty bad, in fact i've been bad
it's been four weeks
that i can't get out of bed
that i can't stop skipping class
i missed my midterm this morning because i haven't been to class in four weeks
it's hard to eat it's hard to do laundry
and i'm so fucking tired and it's you, miss depression
i cant sleep in my own bed at night,
sometimes there's screams usually i talk
my doctor said it's the PTSD
but i've had that longer than four weeks
it hurts so much to want to do things but you can't because my brain won't go
and it's been like this for four weeks
i'm always scared and i'm always afraid
my therapist keeps asking me why and i always tell her i don't know
but today i think i know the answer
it's me
i'm afraid of being alone with myself
i'm afraid of me and what goes on in my head
i am so afraid of myself
and that's been going on longer than four weeks
when my grandpa tried to kill himself last year
my family found him hanging in the house i grew up
his feet dangled over my old toy box
and at night, i lay in my bed, and wonder if that's my fate too.
maybe davis was scared of me too
I wonder if i'll still be here in four weeks, i'll let fate decide
