Promise Me Everything

Promise Me Good Beginnings

Ethan

I saw him again today. I thought that he was going home early. I guess not, lucky for me. He was in the mailroom sorting letters. He didn't acknowledge me; I mean, he rarely does, unless he's getting my package for me (he's always so focused). I visit the mailroom a lot. At first, it was only every few days, for things I'd order, or care packages from my mother, who swears that that's the only way I could survive through boarding school and being 1,000 miles from her, which is partly true. Now, I come at least every other day - for him. I purposefully order things one by one, and sometimes I just buy little things here and there just so that I can go to the mailroom - to see him. I know when his free period is, and usually come in at that time.
When he first got a package for me, he asked for my name. I purposely said only my first name "Ethan", knowing that he would now know my first name and also have to speak another sentence to me, "I mean, your last name," he said, as expected. "Hale," I replied. Then he got my package. That was my first interaction with him, but not the first time I recognized him.
It was orientation day. I was a new sophomore and each new student who wasn't a freshman was paired up with a returning student in their same grade. The one person I knew beforehand, Lacey, a girl from my old school, also a new sophomore, was paired with him - the beautiful Nicholas Quintana. When I first saw him, I hoped to God that he would be a bad person. He was too beautiful to be a decent person. But, at the end of the day, when I was sitting next to Lacey, talking about our first impressions, she couldn't stop talking about Nic (what he told her to address him as). I felt myself falling apart inside. I can't fall in love on the first day of school. Not this easily.
At first, we barely had any classes or activities in common, which was disappointing. But after finding out more about him, I slowly adjusted my decisions to align with his life. This year, we have the same winter option and three classes in common.

Pretty soon into my first year, I couldn't keep it to myself, so I told Lacey about my problem (should I call it that?). She said that I should approach him, but how could I? What would happen if he had a girlfriend and told everyone that I was gay and had a crush on him? I could not have that type of reputation.
Lacey wanted to help me out, so she promised to sneak relationships into one of her and Nic's conversations (each new student and their appointed person have a conversation once a week to touch base for the first two months of school. Most still talk after that, just as friends). She did, and I remember, on the same day that I hurt my leg running for cross country and needed to hear something positive, she told me to meet her in Library No. 4 (our campus has 5 libraries). The words she told me changed my life, I forgot all of the specifics, but the words I focused on most was, "Ethan, Nic's gay too."
I felt like dying. Nicolas, the best looking being on this Earth, I swear, is not only super nice, but gay, like me. She also told me that he is single. Although I was broken and elated at the same time, I couldn't approach him. I was too scared. But, now I am older; I need to man up. The annual winter formal is coming up, when the girls ask the guys (so heteronormative); it's my chance. I bought a killer suit over Thanksgiving break. I swear that it's the most expensive and best fitted piece of clothing I own, and if something's going to make Nicholas (I prefer his full name better) fall in love with me, this takes the cake. I have promised myself that I'll ask him before winter break.

Nicholas

I saw him again today. Ethan Hale. Man, is that a sexy name. He came to pick up a package, but I pretended that I was focused on the letter distribution, like I always do. Mr. Hemdi and Ms. Jones (the mailroom staff) are usually in the room and one of them will get the package for whoever requests theirs, but if neither of them is there, it's all me. That's been the case several times when he has come. He comes almost every day now. Half of his packages are from Amazon, the other half from his mother. At first, this was practically the only time I would see him, but now we have several classes together (thanks to me). Once I found out more about him, I altered my life accordingly. My main source of information is his best friend, Lacey. She was my assigned person on orientation.

Lacey

Ethan is my best friend. I love him to death. Well, not in a "significant other" sort of way. I love him as a friend, and he's gay anyway.

Nicholas

It was in the fifth grade that I knew I was gay. It was a regular day at school and my friends were talking about the girls that they had liked in the class. I was taking a while to finish eating, but when I was done, they asked me which girl I liked. I mentioned that Karen was my good friend, but they wanted to know who I really liked. I said, "They're not a girl though." Everyone in the group bursted out laughing and said I was being silly and queer. I said I was joking so that I didn't have to be embarrassed. They all dismissed it. That same day, I told my mom about the situation and she said that I was still young and was figuring things out. However, nothing changed. I've never had a crush on a female. Ever. Always guys. The summer before I went off to Smilodon, I formally came out to my parents. They weren't completely proud of that part of me, but they were supportive. In freshman year, there were only two other openly gay guys on campus. I didn't particularly like either of them. One was very solitary and honestly, I think that he's bisexual, so... one other gay guy. My close friends were shipping us... but I didn't like it. Soon enough, the other guy asked me out. I had never had a boyfriend (or any intimate relationship) before. I didn't want to reject him, so I agreed. We did the normal relationship stuff - went to the dance, took pictures together, and exchanged gifts on Valentine's Day, but weren't very intimate. I could tell that he wanted to be closer even though he never pushed me or anything. I think the relationship was what neither of us wanted; I wanted less, he wanted more. One day, while he was visiting my room, he leaned in to kiss me. I almost kissed him back, but then decided that I didn't want to kiss him. 1) I didn't actually feel anything real for him, 2) it would be my first kiss. So, I pulled away. That night we talked over things and "mutually" broke up. After that, my friends felt bad for somewhat forcing that upon me and never shipped me with anyone again. I didn't want to waste my time again and Smilodon High didn't have many options, anyway. On orientation day this year, everything changed; there he was. Ethan Hale. I thought that I wasn't into Asains, but man. When he first came to the mailroom, I asked for his name, although I already knew it. In freshman year, I barely worked in the mailroom. But when he came during both of the days I was working there in the first week, I made an effort to come as often as possible. I know he can't be gay. I mean, when has my crush ever been gay? I've only had five crushes in my life before Ethan, and all of them were straight guys who had a girlfriend at some point in time while I liked them. I wonder if I should ask him to the dance. I could ask him to the Flora Festival in the spring, when the guys ask the girls, but I want it to seem like I'm implying that he's feminine and it would kill me inside if he replied with, "Sorry bad-looking gay guy, I already asked someone else, a girl, because I'm not gay like you". So, it would have to be for the winter formal, but how about if a girl asks him? And what if he rejects me? Of course he will, he's straight. Uh! I just want to hold him in my arms and slow dance to bad music selections from one of our cheap campus DJs.