How We Feel

We Feel Trapped

Sometimes we feel trapped. Not physically, but mentally. Like we can't get away, we're stuck. With toxic people, with our minds. Stuck in time. However, when we do get free. When we drop those toxic friends and family members. When we do what we want, something for ourselves. We feel guilty.

We feel guilty for doing the things we need to do, for taking care of us. We feel guilty for not doing the things we were pressured in to doing. We're made out to be the bad guys. We end up beating our selves up over something that other people made us feel. Why should we feel guilty for finally putting ourselves first.

We feel guilty and ashamed for liking someone. For liking someone whose 'too' young or immature. They can grow out of immaturity. We put ourselves down by saying things like 'he won't like me, i'm not pretty enough' or 'she's out of my league'. You'll never know until you try. we're all guilty for putting ourselves down, whether it be over thinking or discouraging ourselves.

We feel guilty for doing better than our friends. Getting a higher grade on a test or things coming easier to us. Sometimes we want to make people feel bad about themselves, so we put them down. We insult and criticize them. This makes us feel better about ourselves. Putting someone down, making them feel bad about themselves constantly. This is what we want. But we don't want people to feel how we've felt before, so instead, we pick each other up. We build up their walls instead of tearing them down.

We feel guilt for not being organised. We can never find anything, we clean and try to keep everything neat. it all ends up being a mess, we get 'too' tired to put things back. Its not our fault, sometimes we can't pull ourselves out of bed to clean. Sometimes we can't stop ourselves from crying ourselves to sleep. Sometimes we need a break.

We feel guilty for being us, for acting like our normal selves. We feel guilty for asking 'too' many questions. We like to hang out with friend, real friends, but we also try not to be annoying. We hate the feeling of bothering the ones we care about. When were telling them something and their answers go from interested to annoyed and you can tell they're not interested anymore. That feeling of knowing that they don't care anymore, that they just want you to stop talking. We feel it, every time, so we stop talking. Stop discussing, stop telling our stories. We stop trying, because we care so much or those people that we neglect ourselves.

We feel guilty for everything that happens to us, and who do we blame or us feeling this way? We blame ourselves, because in our eyes we are doing the wrong. We're the ones not moving on, ignoring other and putting ourselves first. We're the ones liking someone we can't have, being 'better' than other people. We're the ones bothering people, right?
Wrong! We are taught to think this, that we're the ones to be blamed.

Don't feel guilty for wanting yourself to do better. For putting yourself first, for once. It's okay to like people, even if they're too young. It's okay to not do what everyone wants you to do. It's okay to be you, don't try to be something you aren't. If someone doesn't like you for you, that's their loss. If there's one thing to be okay about, it's about feeling guilty. Its okay to feel guilty, we all have at one point.