“Are you insane? It’s raining and you’re freezing!”
“It’s been a long six months. I was too afraid to tell you what I want. I know I look crazy right now but what I have to say can’t wait for the next day or even a minute.”
“You are crazy! This is crazy!”
“I get that. I know that but I wouldn’t be standing outside your door like a ghost for the last two hours for nothing. I need to say this out loud and I need you to hear it.”
“Well don’t you think you’re a bit late for that? You ended us. That was six months ago. Don’t you think we both should have moved on?”
“I know now I was wrong. Leaving you is the biggest mistake in my life and I can’t live with that. That’s why I’m here. I’m making the big gesture.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just want you to know that...”
“You know what, I don’t have time for this. Its three am for Christ sake! It’s an ungodly hour to be standing in my porch with the rain and all. I need to go.”
“No please wait. This won’t take...I mean I won’t take too long. Please.”
“You really should not be here. And for the record, I did wait for this very moment to happen months ago. But that was it. I don’t think I want to hear whatever you have to say. It’s late and I need to sleep. And this, all this is big gesture is late. You are too late. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took you this long. For the record, I waited.”
“So just please let me say this...”
“Then what? After you say what you have to say you’d be again. So what’s the whole point of even trying? I already broke my heart to a million tiny pieces. I don’t need to break it even more that it becomes too hard and painful to put it back together again. Let’s just stop hurting each other, I beg you. Let me be.”
“But how can I when all I ever think is you? I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight, I don’t even have the energy anymore to do anything at all. I’m going crazy thinking you might have found someone else and I wasn’t ready to be miserable for the rest of my life because I know I did this. I hurt you, but I didn’t know I was hurting myself in the process too.”
“How can I even start to forget you and move on when I close my eyes all I see is your smile and how you twist your hair when you’re thinking or when you walk towards me like I’m the only one you see? How do I erase the fact that I love it when we hug and when how I melt in your arms and the way your eyes twinkle after we kiss? How do I move on when I always want to kiss you and wrap you around my arms?”
“I remember the day we went to the beach and I replay the scene when you told me you love me for the first time. And every time I do, I still feel the same like I am on Cloud Nine. I remember the day I saw you and the day when I realized I love you. I’m telling you the same feeling never faded no matter how many times I replay it on my mind over and over again. I guess the feeling never fades if what you feel if for real.”
“Tell me how do you get over the fact that I lost my heart to you and when I left, you took everything with you? I’m a shell, lifeless without you. How do I move on when everything I see, wherever I go, even my dreams are filled with you and me?”
“Then why did you even leave?”
“You really want to know why? I was so damn afraid you’d realize soon that I’m not in any level close to you. You’re perfect and I’m not. I am so insecure and now I know it’s stupid. I was afraid you’d realize that and then you’d go and leave me alone.”
“But you know what? Now I’m more afraid to live without you. Those past few months without you is like hell. It is my personal hell and I would remember that for the rest of my life. Living without you is torture.”
“What do you really want?”
“I want you. I need you. I love you. I want you for worse or better. I need you because you’re the air that I breathe. I would wait forever and ever if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me. I know I broke your heart and I know I can put it back together. We were so perfect together. I must have lost my mind when I left you all alone and never told you why.”
“Can you possibly find it in your heart to let me in again?”
