l o v e & s h a d es

O N E: I F A L L

i. f a l l 🌿

I fall...
I think about what it would be like to be loved by you...

How you would look at me when falling in love with how I look in your oversized wool sweater, how my fingers curl around a coffee mug...

I think about what you would think when I say something silly and unexpected, making you throw your head back & laugh like a little kid...

What you would be thinking as we sit across from each other on the couch, newspaper puzzle in your hand, and look up from my novel to find you staring...

What you would say to me as you move in and put your hand on my face.

I fall deeper...

The thought of your lips lingering on mine as our hearts beat in synchrony, our bodies paralyzed by each other's touch, sends shivers down my spine.

Breathing in your air on a beautiful, misty, grey sunday morning, with drizzling drops falling against the window- providing an illusion of perfection as I cuddle up, lips against your neck, heart against your chest, and feel so small and fragile in your strong arms being, in fact, perfection.

I have fallen...

You're all I can think about.

I stop breathing at the sight of you.

“ I watch you pace through your kitchen, barefoot, graciously
as you make coffee. Your white, long sleeved t-shirt
leaving your chest bare, clinging to your body like a plastic
drifting in Autumn winds, blown against logs and trees. ”

My thoughts dancing to my accelerated heartbeat as I picture my body against yours once again.

You catch me...

And this is love when we sit and talk for hours on end...

When you tell me that your worst fear is losing me...

When you look down and say, "what I feel for you, it scares me"

I sit on your lap and hold you, words not sufficing: not quite matching the feeling that washes over me.

I'm in love now...

I'm in love with all of you, and I panic at the thought of you out of my life.

I feel sick and the world starts spinning, making me dizzy, throwing me off balance.

What you feel scares you, but what I feel for you... it terrifies me...

It's a degree of fear I can't fathom... one that hits in places I never knew existed inside me...

So....

"I'm in love..." 

"It's you..."  

"It will always be you..." 

It's all I manage to say.