Passion and Surgery

My Not So Happy Place

Chaos is a friend of mine. Stress is my strength. But what if chaos is in my life and not just on the table? 

I let the water rain down upon me with a scorching vengeance. If the hot water does not boil off this electric feeling a hard scrubbing will. How could I, how did I? This whole night does not make sense. HE does not make sense. 

*BEEP BEEP BEEP**

That is my cue. I slam the shower off and slip each leg into a pair of extra hospital scrubs, tie my hair into a bun and speed out the door. That is the hardest part of it all, putting aside your mental chaos to create a better atmosphere for the benefit of your patient and maybe that's why somewhere through the check ups, the madness, the pain and blood I found myself by the bed in room 205 C. 

The soft beeping from the monitor dulls my mind. I see Thomas asleep in the bed. I walk up to take a better look at him; without even moving his shirt, you can see he is all swollen and bruised, his chest can not take anymore. So I turn around, dropping to the floor slowly, I begin to tell him everything. What he wanted to know before all this happened to him.

After and hour or so of sitting by the bed I get up and walk to Mr. Stevenson's chart and fill out my notations. 

"I've been looking for you everywhere.." a warm breath hits my ear.

I freeze, unprepared of this moment, his heat fills my body. Kingsly.

"Well you found me, what can I do for you?" I say in cool tone but my heart is bounding out of my chest. Does he know?

"You may be upset still now, Ollie but I have good intentions." I hear his playful laugh at the end.

"I still can't believe your leaving, today has not been my favorite day." I smile sheepishly at him.

His eyes have me melted in my spot, he always has this warm calming feeling about him, but its so intense. It was like my words were what he wanted to hear, with his eyes locked on mine he lifted his hand and ran his thumb from my ear to my chin ever so slowly, leaving behind his heat. 

"Try not to take on anymore drinking bets while I am gone, okay?" and before I could even answer he looked me over one last time and left the room. All that was left was his scent.

When does it all end? I look at the time, 11 pm. Time to clock out and get out while I still can. I run to my small bland office and grab my things and drop my lab coat. Just the thought of my big bed with warm sheets sounds like heaven to me. 

I get to my apartment and notice Emily's door cracked open, I decided to lightly knock and walk in. She looks like a goddess swirling around to music. I cough slightly and see her jump. 

"I waited forever for you! What happened you didn't page!" She says swinging her arms around for emphasis.

 I completely forgot having to meet up with her after work. Soo much has happened... where would I even begin. "I was catching up on my Stevenson case, I just lost track of time..I am sooo sorry!" 

"Oh really? I heard from a nurse friend of mine that a not so happy Heidi saw you talking to Roan.." a knowing smile on her lips "How did that go?"

Why is it I feel relieved yet not?

"He said he couldn't! He said he is leaving. That is none of my concern." Really trying to put some kind of stern tone into my voice.

"He is NOT leaving, I heard from the hospital head, apparently Roan requested a suspension of his position for personal reasons. The board agreed to it, so he must be doing something important considering the crunch we are having right now with experienced nurses right before the new batch of interns coming in." Once again eyeing me.

I cannot help but feel warmth creep into me, starting from my toes ending at each individual finger tip. He always seems to leave me with cliff hanging words, but they always tell me something. 

 I try to not let my facial expressions show it though. That is the last thing I need to my already existing problem."Yes well, I wish him the best in all his endeavors." 

"You are so transparent.. " she begins to say before I cut her off with a goodnight Emily and head out the front door making sure she heard it latch closed.

I open my front door and strip down all of my clothes, walk straight to the bed and plop down. 

Tomorrow the fun really begins.

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