If not us, who? If not now, when? | Muke Clemmings

Chapter 15

Song ideas for this part:
- I'm A Mess - Ed Sheeran
- The Heart Wants What It Wants - Selena Gomez

I looked at the ID and it was Emma. To be real I wasn't really interested in talking with her, for the first time after all this years. Again, I got up and went to living room. I don't know I just don't like to talk on my phone in front of other people...

"Hey...", my facial expression wasn't happy one this time.
"Did you got up?", she was sounding like always - such a sweetheart.
"Yeah... I was eating...", I tried to hide how bored I really am. I know, I'm an asshole but... I really wasn't feeling like talking to Em...
"Is somethin wrong?", she was worried.
"Nah... Why are you asking?", I was acting like I don't understand what's she talking about.
"You sounded like that... Listen, I'm sorry but I can't come over right now... See ya tomorrow?", she thought I would be sad to hear that, and a real boyf would be, but... not a fucking gay boyf.
"Oh... Too bad... Yeah, see ya tomorrow!", I smiled weakly at myself.

I really need to be alone, to think a bit about everything what's happening in my life right now... To much feelings... I was searching for my black sneakers when my mum came behind me: "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to 5SOS house.", I rolled my eyes carefully so she couldn't see it.
"But...Your brother is here...You don't see him a lot...", she tried to remind me that Jack is here.
"Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry, but I really have some business to do...", I sighed, turning back to her.
"Luke Robert Hemmings, what's happening to you?", my heart skipped a beat 'cause my full name she uses only if she is too angry or pissed off.
"Um....what do you mean by that? Everythings f-", she cut me off: "Is that about Michael? I always thought he had bad influence on you...", she almost whispered.
"No, it's not, I'm just busy, okay? Now see ya later!", I was really pissed off and I closed the door before she could answer anything. Oh man, why is this shit happening to me?

While walking to our house I was only thinking about how shitty my life is, at once. I'm in a relationship with one of the most beautiful and amazing girls I've ever met but actually I realized that it's not what am I searching for, that I'm actually gay, in love with my band mate? Oh man, this situation is so fucked up.

I put the key in the lock, hoping that nobody is there... And really, the whole apartment was empty. Amazing! Just me and my guitar... I thought. I sat down, playing random sad songs that were coming on my mind...

ღAuthors noteღ
HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHEZZZ, hope this year will be even better to all of us!