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I was happy to see my angels again and Loai was over the moon too. I stepped through the front door hearing the little patter of toddlers running to meet me at the door as Loai ran towards them. The kids met in the middle jumping on each other squealing in excitement before all turning to me. I squatted to their level opening my arms as they stared at me as if I wasn't real. I tilted my head watching the excitement build again as they ran for me.

I hugged them so tight as to tell them I wouldn't leave them again. As they asked me questions about where I had been I looked up only to see Mr Bar- Luciano leaning against the wall with arms crossed staring at the scene unfolding in front of him. His eyes snapped to mine and we nodded at each other. A sign of out understanding. Pretend yesterday didn't happen. Luciano's face soon graced a smirk and I realised I had been staring - I mean he's a good looking man can you blame me- as I grimaced quickly turning back to the kids. "So who wants pancakes?" Being met with the loud screams of the kids going me me me. All of a sudden the words "and me" spoken by a deep voice rumbled through their shouts. I looked up at Luciano who's face still held it's cold look. "You have to help me make them Lucy" I said as I picked up Luna quickly running to the kitchen with the two boys running after me afraid of the death stare I would receive.

***
"I am a man I don't need a plastic bowl" Luciano growled out as me as I put the kids in their highchairs giving them plastic mallets, bowls and spoons. "Your right you need a plastic spoon too" I sarcastically smiled slamming the spoon down onto the table in front of him. "Xavier what fruit would you like?" I asked walking up to the fridge and pulling it open. "Bwuebelly" "blueberry" I corrected "yep" he replied instead of trying to say the word again. "E se" (thank you) "your learning gimme five" I placed the blueberries on his high chair and got a big high five. "Loai do you want stawberries" I called as I pulled them out already walking to him knowing his favourite "thank you mama" was called as I walked to Luna "me too" Luna exclaimed as I placed them on her chair already knowing what she would want.

Finally I turned to the island leaning on it hand on my waist. "Lucy what about you" i said in a baby voice looking at Luciano watching as his face morphed into an angry snarl as he murmured the words "banana" grabbing one from the centre of the table. "3,2,1 Smash" I stood in the middle of the kitchen with my dishcloth pretending to start a race as the screams of the children began along with the sound of hitting. I took my fruits sitting opposite Luciano as I mushed my fruit up with a fork.

We worked in silence as the kids messed around behind us. "You look like shit" Luciano grumbled under his breath at me as I let out a soft laugh. "I know". Yeah I did I had big eye bags from all the crying I did along with puffy eyes and my skin was all splotchy and red. the silence resumed as I watched Luciano's mouth open and close as he struggled to say something. "I'm so- I'm remorseful for what I said to you the other day." "Is that your way of saying sorry" at this he just let out a grunt. " I accept your apology" I said as I tapped his hand in appreciation. "About yeste-" i put my hand in the air "not in front of the kids" I quickly stood up heading to the stove. " it's pancake time"

***
Loai was now sleeping and I was holding him wrapped up in his blanket in one hand as I tried as quietly as possible to put on my shoes whilst leaning on the door. It was 11pm and I had seen the kids off to bed and decided it was best to head out. I had gotten my shoe on and in the dark corridor I fumbled for the door knob but before I could leave unnoticed the light switched on. I jumped turning around to find Luciano leaning on the doorframe with no expression on his face. "Leaving?" He muttered. He had a bad habit of doing that. I nodded turning to leave again. "Your staying here from now on your apartment is no more. You can have the east wing of the house." "I will not sta-" "I think it's for the best. You need help and I don't feel comfortable knowing Loai is with you when you are potentially unstable." My jaw dropped as my shock turned to anger.

"You know nothing of what I'm going through I don't agree" I whisper yelled at him clutching Loai closer to me. " i was stating my fucking opinion i don't give a flying fuck if you agree with it or not" he spat back at me his voice loud and startling my baby as he started to whine. I rubbed his back up and down bouncing as I put him back to sleep. "I don't base my decisions on advice from people who don't have to deal with the results." I did not need someone digging up painful memories whilst costing me money. I snarled at him bumping into him with malice as I headed to my room.

I placed Loai in the crib that was already set up in my room. I stroked his hair as I looked at him tears welling up in my eyes. I recited my favourite quote as I grabbed his little hand in mine

"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness"

by my favourite poet... Winnie the Pooh.

I composed myself as I looked at Loai one last time before laying a soft kiss on his head and crawling into my cold and empty bed. Falling into the world of darkness

 Falling into the world of darkness

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