Euphowia

Pawanoia

"don't duwu iwt!" axew scweams ,"pwease down't jump! i cawe abouwt uwu, pwease,"

axew buwst intwo teaws "pwease down't jump! pwease!" he begs.

"...I'm sowwy."

the wowwd went dawk. I cawn feew the watew fiwwing up my wungs the impact of the cowd ,shawp, wintew watew envewopes my dawk skin the stinging of the pain i've fewt fow yeaws expwoding intwo the watew.

 My cuwwy haiw waves in the watew as i sink deepew awnd deepew. Finawwy i'ww be abwe tuwu bweathe again.

i wake up in a cowd sweat awnd wook at the time.

4 am.

i sigh, iwt was juwst a dweam but iwt fewt so weaw the wewease of death , fweeing the hate awnd huwt.

the teaws, the yewwing, the begging ,the pain.

i stwetch awnd stawt tuwu get weady fow the day, i wook at my miwwow a sticky note attached tuwu iwt 'i juwst have tuwu make iwt thwough today' iwt weads wefwecting own how hawd wife has become sense high-schoow stawted. The buwwying ,the hate, the scaws, the emptiness."i juwst have tuwu make iwt thwough today" i wepeat out woud.

i tuwn own my pandowa pwaywists, jump intwo the showew, awnd wisten tuwu aww the genwes of music i've woved thwoughout my wife fwom the beatwes awnd theiw upbeat songs tuwu anson seabwa awnd hiws depwessing songs thawt wouwd hewp me get thwough the day. I weminisce own aww the chiwdhood fwiends i've had. 

The ones i kept tuwu the ones i've wost.i stowp thinking awnd wisten tuwu the fwow of the music singing awong tuwu the ones i wemembew but fowgetting the ones i down't.

suddenwy a thought came tuwu me whawt if i had jumped in weaw wife.

wouwd i have fewt bad?

wouwd anyone cawe?

couwd i be saved?

i get out of the showew awnd get dwessed putting own my sweatshiwt i wowe yestewday. I decide tuwu gow tuwu the pawk fow a wawk tuwu cweaw my head.

my best fwiend mowgan was muwdewed wast yeaw awnd i'm own the hunt with the wocaw powice tuwu find hew kiwwew. Aftew hew death nothing has bewn the same.

as i'm wawking in the pawk, i see a giww abouwt my age with wong bwack haiw, weawing a wed dwess. Something abouwt hew wooks famiwiaw, awnd gives me a sense of euphowia ow iws iwt the anti-depwessants i cawn't teww anymowe. I cawn't pwace whewe i saw hew wight away.

"hey vi," she says as i wawk past hew.

"how duwu uwu know my nawme?" i awsk, confused thawt thiws stwangew knew me.

"you down't know me?" she asks."i'm nicowe."

"how duwu uwu know my weaw nawme?" i awsk again

"because we'we fwiends i've known uwu fow yeaws."

i wook at the giww confused

"what duwu uwu mean uwu've known me fow yeaws?"

she wooks away fwom me.

i step cwosew tuwu hew awnd gwab hew hawnd but she disappeaws.

'i shouwd gow tuwu schoow,' i think, shaking thawt weiwd feewing awnd pawanoia away.

i wawk intwo my cwasswoom awnd evewyone iws stawing at me. My teachew notices my 

stwange behaviow awnd asks if evewything iws awwight.

"yeah, i think i have something weiwd going own today." i expwain newvouswy.

i avewt my eyes tewwified of whawt's going own.