Love in Dunkirk

1. Avoidance

"I know how you feel about this Nancy but you don't understand." Father said softly, rubbing my hand with his thumb. I kept my eyes locked on my food. My fork stabbing uselessly into the slop on my plate. "We need to make sure you have someone to take care of you. Money has been running low since the war began."

Mother kept fiddling with her fingers without looking up. I wish she would say something and stick up for me but not facing problems was her favourite activity. I've only had three days notice of my wedding. And now it's tomorrow. I nod silently and shovel some food into my mouth forcing it down past the lump in my throat. The scratchy record made up for the silence, playing quiet songs to keep me occupied. I didn't want to think about this anymore.

They speak of money being low. And yet they paid another family into an arranged marriage. I've never met this man. Nor do I wish to. If I was a boy it would be so simple. I would get on the closest warship or train and disappear into war. Missing in action. Never come home. But that, like everything else in my life, isn't my choice to make. Father continues holding my hand as we eat dinner, reassuringly I suppose. It made me feel sick and dinner was no longer appetizing. Father excused me from the table and I scraped my food into a container and put it in the fridge. There was plenty of room, we have very little amount of food left and nothing was to go to waste.

I pull my dress off and climb into bed hugging my knees to my chest. My heart was pounding and aching as I thought about the wedding. In a few hours I was to walk down the isle to a man I have never met, in my mothers wedding dress, with not a single drop of love in my heart.

It wasn't how this was meant to go. I was supposed to be madly in love and walk out a happy woman. Hot tears streaked my cheeks as I face my harsh reality. My parents paid my husband. My husband will do as he pleases with me. And I must stay loyal no matter what. In this time of war I would rather face a gun than face my forced future.

I've been planning my escape ever since I found out what my fate was going to be. But just like my child-like attempts of running away I haven't gotten far at all. My only thought is wishing that I was a boy. Wishing I could join the army. Robert wouldn't have stood for this. When he joined the army he was being selfish leaving me behind. If only he could take me with him now and disappear with me.

My pillow is pressed against my face and I scream loudly. The pain in my chest echoing in the pillow and into my ears. A horn slowly builds in my ears before suddenly silence. I sit up quickly and take a deep breath.

"The ship." I whisper.

I leap out of bed and run into Roberts room. His clothes neatly folded in his closet. I pull out his boots and pants, shirt and a jacket. What am I doing? Am I insane? I have no time to answer my own question as I dress myself quickly. Doing up the belt loosely at my hips and tucking in the shirt chucking a jacket over the top I look in the mirror. It's too long. Far too long to pass.

I reach for his fishing knife and tear it through my hair. Cutting the long black locks into messy short hair. The tears on my face dry as I cut my hair as quickly as possible. I remember how Mother would cut Roberts and I'm sure she would be appalled with the haircut I have now but it would do. I force a hat over my head and look at my reflection. I look like him.

I have the same high cheekbones as him and I don't have large breasts. Even the semi-tight shirt can't give me away. I turn for the window and lift it up, sliding it as quietly as I possibly can. I freeze with one leg out the window.

Do I really want to do this.. Do I want to run away from my family.. Leave it all behind..

My feet hit the ground with a loud thud and I pray my parents don't hear it. I race through the garden and shove the gate hard to make my way to the docks.

The pounding of my feet against the pebbled ground kept me running and the pounding of my heart in my ears grew louder and louder as the docks came into view. The final siren of the ship blasted and I pushed myself faster. The large dock was practically empty as the loved ones said goodbye from a designated area. I climb up on the board walk as it starts to pull away from the ship.

"Wait!" I shout loudly as my feet slam against the wooden boards. The soldiers on the ship spot me and hold the door for a moment. A general gets to the door and order it to be shut but I'm almost there. I speed up but the door shuts in my face. They ignore the pounding of my fists against the door and I realize that this was my only chance of freedom. The ropes tying the ship are thrown off the docks and the ship pulls away from me. I start walking back down the ramp when I take one final look back. I close my eyes, saying a silent prayer before sprinting and leaping off the ramp, my hands gripping the bars on the second level. Soldiers shout around me and I hear rapid footsteps in my direction but my hands slip on the bar and I drop to the icy water below. The water is black when I open my eyes and it stings as I force my way to the top.

"Leave the mooring line!" A soldier shouted as I look up at the boat. I swim to remain afloat in the heavy clothes. "Soldier! If you can bring yourself up the rope you can join us!"

My heart froze but my body surged forward. They're offering me my chance. I grip the rope and it pulls me quickly through the water. I'm grateful for the belt holding my pants up as I use all the upper body strength in my body to climb the rope. I begin to slip as my shoe comes loose as I wrap my legs. I hold onto the slippery moss covered rope and pray I don't slip further.

"We have no patience for late comers soldier. If you can't climb this rope you're better off giving up now. Swim back to shore while you still have the chance."

I growl loudly and force myself up the rope. My body shivering and sore as I inch up the rope toward the other soldiers. My left shoe drops as I climb like a fire fighter. The rope goes slack then tightens quickly in the water and I flip upside down on the rope, slamming my body hard against the hull of the ship. The wind knocked out of me I pause and grip on tighter fighting for air.

"Sir..?" I hear a soldier ask the leader.

"You really want to go to this war, boy?" He shouts down to me. I look up to him and force air into my system.

"Yes, Sir!" I bark loudly like Robert taught me.

The man stared at me. His gaze stiff and cold I try to bring my body to climb higher and he raises his fist into the air.

"Haul him up!"

The rope is quickly yanked up from beneath me smacking me against the hull again. I hold on tighter as my body gets lifted pull by pull to the top. I reach for the bars and the second I reach them I grip it hard with my wet hands. I wrap my leg up over the bar and two soldiers drag me onto the deck. I hit the floor hard and quickly stand to my feet saluting the leader.

"Thank you, Sir!" I pant, exhausted. My naturally low voice services me as he gazes me up and down. Anxiety rises in my system as I see groups of soldiers watching me carefully. What if they find out.. The lieutenant slaps my hat off and I force myself not to flinch. He gets in my face studying every inch of my face.

"State your name soldier." Why didn't I think of this before I got here.

"Robert Taylor, Sir!" My mouth speaks before I do and I struggle to keep my eyes forward.

The lieutenant looks me up and down and I realize he is going to recognize me as female. I bite the inside of my cheek right as a soldier steps out of ranks.

"Sir. Permission to speak? Sir." He asks while saluting.

"Speak."

"I know Robert Sir. We trained together for months Sir." The man looked at me and nodded. "This man is a worthy soldier Sir." He stepped back into the line silently and I froze, dumbfounded. He just lied to the Lieutenant for me.. why.

"Fall into lines soldier!" Lieutenant shouted and I immediately fell into line behind the liar. "Forward march!"

I struggle to remember what Robert taught me. I watch the men's feet for a second and match their movements before raising my head and following them. We march into the ship and down to the dorm rooms. I'm assigned a room with the liar and the Lieutenant hands me a new uniform before slamming our door closed behind us. The four men in my room watch me carefully and I try to remain calm.

"What the hell was that John? Lying to the Lieutenant. Do you have a death wish?" One of the boys shoved the liar and he just straightens his shirt as the other guy moves towards me. "And you. How dare you use a M.I.A soldiers name. Who are you." The guy snaps at me and I step back against the wall.

"I I'm his brother." I stutter trying to keep my voice low.

"Your name, bellend." He shouts and pokes me in the shoulder.

"Charles." I quickly answer. My dogs name? Really?

"So. Mr Taylor. Don't think I'll lie for you. You've already done that enough in the first five minutes of being here. Get into your uniform and stay the hell out of my way." He pushes past me and walks out with the other to of his followers giving me sympathetic looks.

I take a deep breath as the door closes behind them. I look up to John and he nods his head.

"Welcome to the army, Mr Taylor."