A/N: I apologise for this one. There's a really high chance it'll be deleted when I edit to publish, as my characters just weren't playing ball or following my commands this time. Love you all. A. Xxx
I retrieved the branch I’d collected from Yggdrasil, as well as the spearhead which Fuadain had given me, back in what felt like a different lifetime, then returned to the security office and my visitors. It was really past time I remade the spear, but I could do that once our guests had been evicted from cohort property, and then Leof would have at least some of the equipment he'd need to wage war on Tiw, as terrifying a prospect as that remained.
We had planned so much, and come so far; we had given ourselves the best chance we could to succeed... And yet there was still a possibility that we could make a mistake. There would always be a possibility, as long as Tiw lived. I desperately wanted it all over with. I wanted a conclusion, even as I dreaded discovering I'd taken some step in error. If we failed, it would be my mistake, because this had all been my plan. Leof had trusted me, and no matter how well I'd schemed, no person was infallible...
There'd be time to dwell on that later, though; when my prospective ex-enemies weren't scrutinising me, trying to assure themselves that I would be available to return their mortality, even once I’d pitted myself against an enemy which they doubted I could defeat.
“Of course, you might die while endeavouring to usurp Tiw. Will that count as the reneging on your promise?” Airard asked, as if reading my mind.
“If I die, one of my allies will fulfil my obligations to you in my stead. Leof, or Fenn, or my brother, or any of my divine allies. I'll make sure you have your humanity, no matter what becomes of me,” I promised as I deposited the unfinished spearshaft on the boardroom table. “If it comes to it, Vili, Ve, Sjöfn, or Syn could perform the reversal in my place, and as their Sire and their rightful queen, I can decree that my obligations will become theirs in the event of my fall.”
Lying the cool, razor-sharp spearhead in my palm, I revealed the runes which decorated its untarnished surface, runes which documented both its origins and the charms which had been placed on it by the dwarves who first fashioned it for my king. When I spoke again, glittering, electric blue veins of magic danced across its surface, forging a contract more binding than any written with pen on paper.
“When our war with Tiw comes to an end, I will grant humanity to all those rogue vampires who are willing to follow you, Airard D'Airelle, and take a route of peace, no longer aiding our enemies. I will do this for any who honour the terms of our agreement, but retain the right to refuse assistance to any who continue to serve Tiw or his allies. Should I be taken prisoner or killed, I promise that either my allies or my descendants will fulfil my pledge instead, if it is in their power to do so. I, Frigg, Valfreya, Rightful Queen of Asgard, swear this on Gungnir, spear of Odin.”
Holding the spearhead out to Airard, I encouraged, “Place your hand over the spear and make your oath, but I must reemphasise that your pledge will be unbreakable.”
He did as commanded, without hesitation, placing his palm on top of my own and promising, “In return for our humanity, I promise that I, and those under me, will cease to aid your enemies. We will remain neutral, and accept that you retain the right to refuse to assist any who betray this pledge, which I make today in good faith. This, I, Airard D'Airelle, son of Edelmir D'Airelle, swear on Gungnir.”
When he withdrew his hand again, the sparks of magic which danced on the spearhead's surface faded away, and I nodded once, noting. “It's done. Our contract has been agreed. I suggest you return to the rest of your people, to tell them what has been decided. Get me the names of all who wish to be included, and I will do what needs to be done.”
“Is that your way of saying ‘get out'?” Airard asked, with a mocking twitch of his lips.
“It's my way of saying you refused a more meaningful alliance, and we are still in the middle of a war,” I pointed out with a slight shrug. “We have a treaty, but you do not wish to be involved with a cohort, and so you have no need to be here, within the walls of the Newcastle Cohort’s headquarters. I wish you well. I hope your humanity is everything you remember it being, but beyond that, we have no further business until this conflict is done.”
Airard opened his mouth as if to make some scathing rejoinder, but he shut it again without comment, choosing to nod instead, deferring to me, even though I was, in many ways, everything he loathed; a Sire, a member of government...
“Ve and Syn will show you out. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Airard D'Airelle,” I murmured, nodding towards Ve.
Once our guest had departed, trailing after Ve, while Syn brought up the rear, keeping any eye on them to make sure no one caused any mischief, Vili finally spoke up, questioning my decision, To be honest, I was impressed that he'd managed to keep his mouth shut for the duration of the meeting.
“Was that wise, binding yourself and us to a group who've fought against our people in the past? Was it wise to reveal your possession of Gungnir?”
Shrugging, I pointed out, “Who are they going to tell? Those same enemies they've sworn not to aid? They would renege on our agreement themselves by doing so, and then they'd lose any chance they had of reclaiming their humanity. They won't reveal anything to Haltwhistle or Tiw. I promise. I’ll promise it on the spear, if it makes you feel better.
“Honest, if I thought they posed any real threat, I wouldn't have offered to swear on the spear. As it is, considering how they say Tiw's army is expanding, it seemed more valuable to remove them from amongst Tiw's forces than it did to keep Gungnir secret. Any way we can weaken the opposition has to be worth considering, right?”
Vili's expression remained serious, but he nodded slowly. “I suppose so. But you put a contingency plan in place, in case you die. And not just in case you die. Pledging us and your descendants makes it sound as though you are concerned for my brother and Fenrir too. What have you seen, Frigg?”
Sjöfn frowned at his implication, turning accusing green eyes on me, even as I shrugged and admitted, “I've seen a great many things. Victories, failures, paths that are so changeable they appear foggy, even to me. The future is not set, and I am not invincible. But our odds are better than they have been in the past, and I'm choosing to focus on that.”
Neither Vili, Sjöfn, nor Verđandi looked impressed at my analysis, but there was little to be done about that. I'd given them the truth, and that truth was beyond my control. All I could do was continue along the path I'd laid at my feet while hoping for the best.
Placing the spearhead next to the un-worked branch, I reached out with my magic, stripping bark from the timber and shifting cells until the shaft was smooth and consistent, the perfect girth to be gripped and thrust. Or to be thrown, if the need arose. Along its length, I replicated the runes which decorated the head, ensuring the charms, which had once made Gungnir fly true, were all complete once more. Then I used my innate power to attached the shaft within the cylindrical base of the head, making the weapon whole once more, just as I'd planned to do when I first asked Leof to relinquish his prized spear.
“He has his sword. He has his spear...” I breathed, hoping it would be enough.
“And my axe...” Verđandi interrupted, drawing an eye roll from me and a chuckle from Vili.
“Ok, geek, but we're still not simply walking into Mordor,” I retorted, my tone droll, before repeating, “He has his sword. He has his spear. He has his magic, and his memories, and his strength. He'll be ok.”
The last bit I murmured, more to myself than the others.
“No matter how small the risk he faces, you wouldn't be who you are if you didn't worry about him,” Vili replied anyway, his tone gentle and his eyes brimming with an empathy that came more from his time as Will, from the time he spent supporting a widow, than from all his lifetimes as Woden's brother.
“Then I better have Ve find me some extra iron too, so I can make armour for him,” I tried to tease, but the suggestion wasn't altogether without merit.
“It's not such a bad idea,” Leof announced as he pushed his way into the room, with Ábrođen following behind him, and I guessed my thoughts had relayed the suggestion straight to my husband's mind.
“You should have armour, at the very least,” he added as he slipped his arms around me, his hand resting over my abdomen, where a child grew who would know no father but him, regardless of biology.
“Awesome. I always wanted a breast plate to protect my pregnant belly... Oh... Wait... No. I've already done that. Maybe I should call the rogues back, maybe one of them inherited Osgar's belongings. Maybe he kept my costume, or a replica of it, at least,” I griped, even as I leaned into my husband, appreciating being in his arms.
“While I understand your resentment, I stand by my previous statement,” Leof informed me, then kissed my cheek, holding me closer still.
“Armour for everyone, then,” I cheered.
“No thanks. Makes it hard to transform,” Ábrođen retorted with a smirk as he lowered himself into a seat.
The smile and the relaxed way he slotted into place alongside Vili, Sjöfn, and Verđandi, was enough to have tears welling. Tears which I unsuccessfully tried to blink away. My wolf would be ok, and that meant the world to me.
Trying to hide my suddenly over-emotional state, I rolled my eyes and grumbled, “Bloody animal; no common decency or sense of modesty, going roaming about without clothes.”
“I thought you liked the eye candy,” Leof said, and a burst of surprised laughter escaped Verđandi, while I smacked my husband’s chest and shook my head at him, blushing at the memory of what I'd once said while on speakerphone, back when I first realised something could happen between Fenn and me.
“I'm going to keep you two apart,” I wagged my finger at both Leof and Ábroden. “You truly are a terrible influence on each other. So, let’s get back to more serious matters, eh? How did everyone take the news about the rogues?”
“Fine,” Leof announced with an amused grin. “They trust your judgement. Good call on the Gungnir, by the way; that will keep the rogues in line, even if Tiw or Haltwhistle tries to tempt or threaten them back into the fold. It's just a shame they wouldn't give us a location, and that Tiw's allies continue to grow. I think we need to make a move, soon, while the extent of our own allies might still come as a surprise. But how? How do we make Tiw meet us on a battlefield of our choosing, when he knows his previous successes have come by playing the long game, and not by rushing in? Right now, he could choose to attack or bide his time as he sees fit. How do we draw him out?”
I had an idea, but Leof wasn't going to like it, because it meant doing as I'd done before; using myself as bait. Yet I was uniquely positioned, because I had something Tiw wanted, something that could also sow discord between him and one of his allies.
Feeling Leof's eyes on me as he sought to understand the direction of my thoughts, I murmured, “Hear me out, ok? From the day I first step through Ésageard's gates, Tiw has wanted me to be the vessel of his heirs. His plans were scuppered, over and over, but if we find a way to let him know that I'm pregnant by him, then he will be goaded. He won't let that go. Especially as I blame him for taking Viđarr beyond my reach, and he could be persuaded to believe his child is at risk.”
Meshing my fingers with Leof’s, I added, “We will love the boy in my womb, but Tiw doesn't understand love, he doesn't understand empathy, or the value of an innocent life, or the worth of any life other than his own. He knows I gave up a son for your soul. He knows I loathe being used and controlled. To him, the child in my belly is a symbol of my failure, not of hope for a better world, and he can be persuaded to believe that I might want rid of that child. If he feels there is a risk, after he's waited so long for an heir, he might become reckless. We can draw him out. And when we do, we will goad Viđarr as well. Presently, he is the closest thing Tiw has to an heir, but if a son by blood turns up to take his place, then Viđarr will lose that position. Tiw might even see Viđarr as a threat to be expunged. We can sow mistrust in the enemy's camp while calling out the usurper at the same time.”
“You risk drawing Tiw's fire. He'll stop at nothing to reclaim you,” Leof stated, his brows pulled into a deep frown.
“That’s the point. He won't stop to think,” I stated.
“He won't,” Verđandi agreed. “Especially once he's nervous, because now he's losing allies too.”
Still, Leof shook his head, much as I expected he would. “I don't like this plan.”
“Nor do I,” Ábrođen added, dark brows pulled low over worried green eyes.
“You don't like what?” Ve asked as he and Syn returned from ensuring our visitors left the premises.
“She wants to let Tiw know she's pregnant by him,” my husband ground out, his jaw tensing as he shook his head in denial.
“To draw him into battle,” Ábrođen finished while wearing an almost identical expression.
Ve glanced between both men and me, then said slowly, “Well... It would likely prove to be an effective method of doing so. And if we ensure our allies are in place and ready to fight first, it shouldn't prove that much more dangerous for her than this conflict is anyway. He was always going to find out about the pregnancy sooner or later...”
His voice trailed off as both his king and the great-wolf glared at him, and I would have found the wariness in his expression amusing, if I hadn’t felt so frustrated at the stubborn oafs who wanted to keep me wrapped in bubble wrap and out of harms ways.
“Keeping you out of harm’s way is impossible, love,” Leof muttered, yet against reacting to my thoughts rather than spoken word. “But must you fling yourself into danger?”
“Every plan in my head, Woden. You agreed to every plan...” I reminded him.
That did nothing to ease the tension from his posture as he admitted, “That is quickly becoming a decision I regret.”
Only he didn't. I knew he didn't regret trusting me, because we both knew I'd been right in the past, and if he could set aside his fears for my safety, he'd know I was right now too. My gifts were my burden, but they were his asset too, and I was capable enough to find a path, and brave enough to take the necessary risks. I was enough, and he would trust that.
“You are more than enough,” Leof noted. “More than anyone.”
Leaning up, I kissed him gently. “Not more than anyone, but enough to play my part. We need to gather together those allies who've already sworn to fight for us, then we need to come up with a plan of attack.”
Turning to Ábrođen, I asked, “Can you get representatives from the other packs here? It would help if we got to know one another before we go into battle. We're at an all or nothing juncture, and if they stand with us, our chances will improve.”
“I can do that.” He nodded, looking more relaxed and more confident than I had expected so soon after his revival. I felt grateful that he had such an exceptional example to follow.
“You finally see yourself clearly,” Leof appraised.
“I wasn't thinking of me,” I retorted with a shake of my head. “And I always saw you clearly.”
Leof laughed at that claim, stating, “Except when you walked into my cohort, hating my guts, and more than happy wallop me.”
“Even then, I saw you clearly. It's not my fault you were a dick,” I retorted, and Ve snorted before he managed to bite back his laugh.
I grinned, and the others chuckled too, even when my husband rolled his eyes at me. For a moment, we allowed mirth to seep into the security office, easing some of the tension the room. We were just friends, laughing together and teasing each other, and there was no worry about the machinations of gods. Then the door of Ve's realm opened again, and our demi-goddess guest stepped into the room, her youth not quite hiding the agelessness behind her eyes, and her presence reminding me that not everything could go my way.
Neamhain ignored me completely as those unsettlingly ageless eyes went to Fenn, roving over him with an interest that seemed even more unashamed than it had back at Osher's bar.
“Mo Faol,” she breathed, the words a purring claim that didn't escape me, even though I didn't speak her language. “It's a pleasure to see you again.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Fenn answered, recognition drawing his brows into a frown once more. “You have some nerve...”
Part of me was grateful that he reacted to her with venom, that he still cared enough for me, and for the hurt she'd predicted, that he would want to put distance between them. But the other part of me remembered that she could give him something I could not, and I had no right to keep them apart, either by my actions or inactions.
“All she did was predict the child. It wasn't her fault that Tiw created him,” I murmured, wishing I couldn't hear the resentment in my voice. Taking a deep breath, I added, “And she's here to help.”
“That I am, and so I'd appreciate not being excluded,” the girl answered as she took a seat next to Fenn, moving her chair as close to him as possible, even as he tried to shuffle away.
“We weren't excluding you, Neamhain. You would have been invited to join us when we reconvene with representative from among our allies. We had not planned on having a security meeting today,” I explained, frustrated that the demi-goddess before me was still a child; naive, despite the horrors she must have seen in her role as a death and war goddess.
She was older than her years, much older, but still an infant in comparison to me. In many ways, she was like a replacement model; a young goddess of magic, prophecy, battle, and the slain. And on some level Ábrođen would love her for all of that, even though she wouldn't be the one to claim his heart completely, and even though their fling would be but a fleeting interlude. She made me feel ancient; an old goddess well passed her use-by date.
“Maybe. But I like to know you aren't keeping me from what's mine,” she murmured, her fingers brushing Fenn's arm.
If anything, Fenn looked taken aback by her forwardness, and a warning growl rumbled from him, the instincts of a wolf Chief pushing forward to remind the female beside him that he was the pack leader, and that no one could claim him without his agreement, not anymore.
“A word of advice,” I said softly, dropping my gaze so I didn't have to see Neamhain or my Ábrođen. “Don't think you can have him if he does not wish to be had. No god has a right to bind him against his will, not anymore. You would get further by offering friendship than by thinking your foresight is a certainty which can be used like a fetter. You won’t catch a wolf by treating him like you’re his owner and he's your pet.”
I felt Fenn's eyes on me, and felt his twisting confusion and grief when he realised that I’d given Neamhain advise on how to win him over. The stab of pain in his chest hurt me too, and tears stung my eyes again as I finally looked up at him.
“If you give her a chance, it will be a temporary thing, but from it you will gain the world, and a gift more precious than any I can give you,” I admitted. “Your future and hers are connected, and what you do with that could bring you so much joy, even though she is not the one you will give your heart to indefinitely. Have a little fun, Ábrođen. You deserve that much.”
“Wiđercorra...” he began, but I cut him off.
“Don't,” I shook my head. “This is how it has to be, and we all know it, so just enjoy what you could have.
I wanted to wipe the victorious look from Neamhain's face. I also wanted to punch something. And none of my emotional turmoil seemed justified considering Fenn wasn't mine. I should bow out gracefully, I knew that, but I wasn’t sure I could.
Instead of throttling the demi-goddess whose presence I'd already agreed to temporarily accept, I turned towards the door and my escape route, murmuring, “Arrange a time for a meeting with our allies, and call on any gods who haven't yet declared for us, to chase up their responses. At some point I'll call on my brother too, he might have a way in which we could pass a message on to Tiw. But for now... I'll be in the dojo or the gym, abusing the training equipment, if anyone wants me.”
“Little Warrior...” Leof interjected, sympathy in his emotions, but I didn't turn back towards him as I added, “It's ok, Leof. Everything's as it's supposed to be.”
I grabbed my own set of cohort branded gym wear from the store cupboard, slipping into the communal changing rooms to change out of my jeans and t-shirt, and into leggings and a sports bra, rather than traipsing upstairs to find my gi. Then I headed for the gym, where I could do yet more damage to our much-abused punch bags or treadmills.
Feeling my knuckles split against the leather of the reinforced bag felt cathartic. The sting at least focussed my mind on my body rather than on what Neamhain intended for Ábrođen’s. I wanted to pour out my irrational, unjustifiable jealousy, to eradicate it before it could drive a wedge between Leof and me, or between him and Fenn. Things had seemed so simple when we got re-married, as though everything had fallen into place. Then Fenn died, and somehow losing him, and retrieving him, had made me less sure-footed. I was Leof’s, eternally. But Fenn was mine too, because I loved him, and because I had claimed his soul. And that left me in a place I thought I'd gotten past.
How could I love two men so deeply, when one of them had always been my eternity? Leof had once said that my capacity for love was infinite, but if that was true, then I'd never be able to erase Ábrođen from my heart, and that meant I wanted to protect him from the inevitable hurt of a break up which Neamhain would subject him to, even while I wanted him to have what only she could give him. I understood, now, why both Leof and Ábrođen had once viewed each other with a jealousy and anger that went beyond Tiw's war. Only I wasn't sure I'd ever manage to find common ground with Neamhain, even though she was so like me.
I wanted to be a better person than this. I didn't want to be some green-eyed monster. Yet I feared that jealousy, like grief, could only be cured though removing love... Or through time, and giving it time meant a great deal of regret in the interim.
When the door of the gym opened, I knew who'd come to find me, even without looking at him. Fenn’s concern and a lingering hurt poured into me, even as he came towards me and grabbed my wrists, preventing me from slamming my bloodied knuckles into the red-smeared leather again.
“Wiđercorra... I don't want to be with her. More than that, I don't want to hurt you...”
“I'm not your concern,” I snapped, yanking my hands from his grasp. “I can't be.”
“You will always be my concern,” he replied, taking my fingers in his again, and letting his newly released magic ease into me, healing the bruises and scrapes on my hands, and causing a rush of heat and desire to ripple through my body.
Taking and angry step back, away from him, I shook my head. “I am Leof's concern. I am his. Always.”
“I know that,” Ábrođen promised. “He knows that. Everyone knows. But... My pack talk, Wiđercorra. I know what happened when Viđarr killed me. I know you claimed my soul, I know you healed me, I know you grieved. You came for me, just as you did for him. What's between us can't be brushed aside. Goodness knows I've tried in the past. We all know where the boundaries are, and what lines can't be crossed, but we all know some things can't be erased either.”
“So what? Are you going to remain single all your life? Will that be the legacy of our love for each other; a lonely existence for you?” I demanded.
“Refusing Neamhain doesn't chart the course of my whole life Wiđercorra. Who knows what the future might bring,” Fenn offered, and I gave him a dour look in response.
“I know, Ábrođen. I know who you will love above all others, and I know what you will lose by denying Neamhain. As much as I hate the idea of her touching you, with a ferocity that rivals how deeply I hated Tanya touching Leof, I cannot in good conscience do anything but encourage you to take what she's offering,” I insisted, and while I hadn't intended to be the one to drop a further prophecy on Fenn's head, right then, I wondered if it wouldn't be easier just to tell him the whole truth about our unexpected ally.
“Surely a fuck isn't going to be so world altering as all that,” Ábrođen answered, still frowning. “I know I'm a reprobate, but I can abstain.”
Placing my hand on my abdomen, I murmured, “Oh wolf, a fuck can change the world completely.”
His eyes followed my hand, and his frown deepened before his eyes widened in surprise, and he cast a glance back towards the door, and towards the security office where he'd left Neamhain.
“No...” he said at last.
“Yes...” I responded, shrugging helplessly. “It's been foreseen, and while that future is changeable, it is one of your most fulfilling futures, Fenn. Plus... You and Neamhain have more in common than either of you would believe. You will have fun with her, for a while, and from that you'll be granted a gift, your own sons, who will grow up alongside mine, as friends and allies.
“That girl... She wants you. And she wants a few weeks of connection when her life is lonely, and hard, and beholden to a destiny she didn't ask for. She might learn something from you, and you from her, and you will create the most precious things you will ever be given. I cannot be what prevents that, Ábrođen. I'd never forgive myself.”
Fenn's eyes had widened further as a mix of wonder and horror wound through him, but it was the horror that drove him to shake his head, declaring, “Isn't that up to me? I'm not father material, love. The pack’s cubs still cower from me. I don't know if I have the strength to keep my pack safe from me, and I certainly can't risk a child of my own. Plus, it's not like I've had the best examples of fathers myself. I don't know how to be a father.”
“You aren't dangerous, Fenn,” I said, understanding what he feared, and disappointed that I hadn't completely gotten through to him during my last visit to Alnford. “And I have seen you play with cubs, and teach them to play guitar, and I’ve seen you care for the pack. I know you will make a wonderful father. You are more than Tiw made you believe. You're more than the old Chief or Loki made you believe. You will raise two cubs with love, and they will be a credit to you.
“Please don't give up a wonderful future because I cannot keep my emotions in check,” I begged, further tears stinging my eyes. “I couldn't bear that.”
“Wiđercorra,” he breathed, his palms cupping my cheeks as his thumbs brushed away my tears. “My choice is mine alone. You are not responsible, one way or the other. You cannot shoulder every burden.”
“How can I avoid it, when I see everything?” I asked, as though he could give me the answer.
“Stop looking, love. Maybe not just now, when there is still a war to win, but after that... Stop looking.” Fenn considered me, his green eyes deep wells of sympathy and concern. “You are going to have two new children who will need their mother, who deserve their mother, and you are going to miss out on them if you spend all of existence focussed on mothering the world. You gave up so much before, to bring the world through this, but when it's over, you deserve to be a wife and mother too. You deserve to enjoy the very life you're trying so hard to have me accept. Don't miss out.”
“I want so very much to give up the throne, to give up my foresight, and to be Darcy, Sire of the Newcastle Cohort, Wife of Conn O'Dowd, mother... But I'm afraid that now I know everything, I’ve forgotten how to be just that, if it's even possible to be just that,” I admitted, then heaved a helpless shrug. “I'm afraid that if I give up this gift, this obligation, I might miss the warning signs of some preventable catastrophe, and I might condemn the world with my inaction. Just as I fear my action or inaction will influence which future you choose, I also fear that my action or inaction will influence the world’s future because, almost since the start of time, I have been manipulating existence to create the best possible outcome for everyone. But I'm also so afraid of living my whole life with the burden of defending the freedom of everyone for the rest of eternity. I'm so tired, Ábrođen.
“In so many ways I am stronger than I've ever been, and at the same time, I'm more afraid now than ever before. I know we could win. I know we have the ability to defeat Tiw. And I'm afraid of what comes after, because for so long, the ‘after’ never mattered, because I was so preoccupied with ensuring any ‘after' followed at all.”
That unexpected tirade came to an end, and I realised it was true. I'd been holding in a welling flood of anxiety and fear that had nothing to do with the war, because it seemed so pointless to worry about it when we hadn't yet won. But it was there, the fears for a future I hadn't always been certain could exist. Fears that went beyond my anxiety that I might lose my place within the cohort, because I also feared what would become of me, inside or outside the cohort system. Syn hadn't been wrong when she said I could burn out, and I was perilously close already. I had become so much stronger, so much better positioned, and yet there were cracks appearing that I had tried to ignore.
“I know Leof doesn't was Ésageard's throne either. His heart is in this cohort too, and he's making plans for moving to Alnford because the Sire's suit here isn't big enough for a family. I want the future he's planning, but I’m afraid that our children, or their children, might suffer some preventable catastrophe because I stop protecting the world. And that would be my fault...”
Fenn laughed, not unkindly, but because he was in awe. Instinctively, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, pulling me into his arms so that my face was buried against his broad chest, my tears staining the t-shirt he'd put on after his sparring match with Leof.
“Oh, my beautiful, brave, self-sacrificing Wiđercorra,” he chuckled, stroking my hair. “The fact you can take responsibility for the world doesn't necessarily mean you should. There has to come a point when you have played your part and others take over. Others like Neamhain, who can do much of what you do, but who hasn't already been through all that you've been through.
“But she doesn't deserve that burden either. I know it's not my place to interfere there, as she isn't from my faith, but I can still see how much she has to carry.” I laughed too, but my chuckle carried a bitter note. “I don't like her. I don't like her, because of how she revealed I'd carry Tiw's child. I'm jealous of her, because the part of me that is yours wishes to be in her place, even while the rest of me has everything I ever wanted with the man I've always loved. I'm frustrated by her youth, by her arrogance, and by the sense of entitlement she has because she has always lived outside humanity; as something special. Yet I pity her, and if I could bear her woes in her stead, I would, because no one deserves what has been placed on her shoulders.”
“Exactly. No one deserves it,” Ábrođen repeated, tipping my chin up so I had to look at him. “And that includes you, love. You have strong shoulders, but even you need to have a break. The future is long, Frigg, and you're immortal. There may come a time when you need to stand again, but for now, why not just enjoy your pregnancy, your children, your husband, and the family you've created here. For a while, why not just be a woman, rather than being a goddess?”
“You make it sound so simple,” I noted, resenting the fact it wasn't.
“It is simple,” he answered. “Wiđercorra... My whole adult life, I've borne the shame of being a monster, of having a destiny that was a burden, that took me so far away from just being a man, and from being a wolf. So far away that I was more monster than man or wolf when I first met you, because I'd forgotten how to plan for any normal future as either. Yet you let me be a man again. You granted me understanding and allowed me to be more than Fenrir, while also allowing me to accept Fenrir for the first time in my life. Despite everything that's been going on, you hunted with me, you ran with me, you looked at my baggage, at my mistakes, and you let me just live, just breathe, for the first time in my life. You need to breathe too, Little Rebel. It's alright for you to step aside and let others step up.”
He smiled, as his fingers brushed my cheek. “And whatever you do, Woden will love you. And I will love you. Even if I gain everything you've foreseen - cubs and a mate - even then, I'll love you. Not because you are a goddess, not because you have gifts that many can only dream of, but because of the woman you are. Because of the woman who saw me, really saw me, and put her hand in mine, and said we could be friends.”
I closed my eyes as tears of gratitude rolled over my cheeks. “Thank you, Ábrođen. Thank you for being the man you are.”
