I was like any tweenie or teenager, I knew more than my mom. I was learning. I was smart. I was pretty and outgoing. I had the world at my finger tips. I still knew more than my mom.
Then, I had kids.
And the eldest quickly turned into me.
She's smart, pretty, and knows so much more than I do!
But, that's not really what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to tell you about the humbling experience of realizing that I didn't know shit compared to the vast wealth of knowledge my mother knew, and still knows to this very day.
My mom knows how to feel. That's one thing I think I will never learn. I mean, she's had more than her share of gut wrenching life experiences, including watching me struggle with my health for a more years than I care to ever admit.
Oh goodness, I never think I'll ever feel as much as her.
But today I can have a glimpse.
She's having minor surgery on her hand. It's not a big deal. Well, it is because it will alleviate the pain in her hand. But, to me, it is an awful stomach full of anxiety fueled by cold brew coffee and beef jerkey. Don't judge, my eating habits currently suck more than I will admit.
I made her a card. I found the Starbucks mug she wanted. I got her a little, tiny pocket sized llama and some treats. I dont think taking her to her surgery appointment and then home is ever enough compared to ALL the shit she has done for me and continues to do. I even held my breath and vented into Trader Joe's because I needed to buy another fuzzy succulent for her while she was under and in surgery. Trader Joe's and me dont mix. I'm just not white enough. Ha!
I digress a lot. I still dont have the words and never think I ever will. The words just dont do justice to describe her heart, beating in her chest for her family. I still will never fathom the love it pumps through her veins, even though I have children of my own and would easily give my own life for them.
Today I will keep my mom close by. I will worry about her all evening. I will text her a hundred times and then call and talk as long as she can keep her eyes open.
Mom.
Nothing in the world compares to that job.
Nothing.
