Light and Shadows(SwaSan)

It hurts to Love

I wish i could erase what was written in the past but not all wishes can be fulfilled...i guess that's what life is. At the end of the day no one is there for us....it's been a year and a month ever since things changed. Till now i feel like you all are still with me, i wish i could get over that feeling...i wish i could remove this loneliness from my heart, i wish i could be okay one day....why does it hurt to love?

Keeping the family photo aside of the four of us, i took my diary,my shoulder to lean upon..

"Tears and tears falling of my eyes i wish to meet you but all wishes couldn't be fulfilled,and so i will live with the darkness inside of me.
Time and time passed by still i am not okay waiting for your call even though i know it would never come.
Years and years will pass by even though i thought i will be okay, the truth is that i could never be okay.
You all left taking away my light, leaving me in darkness where i could no longer see my shadows anymore....I lost my self looking and waiting for you eventhough i know deep inside that you all wouldn't come back."

Swara Gadodia daughter of Mr.Swaransh Gadodia and Dr.Anika Malhothra, born and brought up in Dubai. She also had an elder sister,Anita Gadodia. An aspiring C.A.
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What can't this child not do Shikha? said Advik Maheshwari to his wife Shikha Maheshwari about their eight year old son,Sanskar seeing him heal their other son, Sanskrit's wounds....
Sanskar remembers his mom replying to his dad that he's gonna make them proud.

He can't go a day without pills and that's what he can't do dad. And mom your son isn't going to make you proud. Infact he's going to disappoint you once you know it. I am sorry mom,dad..

Sanskar Maheshwari born to Mr.Advik Maheshwari and Mrs.Shikha Maheshwari. He has a younger sister,Sanskriti and a twin,Sanskrit. In all ways he is blessed he has an amazing family...but sometimes when we go away from our parents and from the people that we love, we do things that affects us really badly. He chose wrong things for himself due to heartbreak and became an addict, it's not that he doesn't want to quit...it's just that it's hard.
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Sanskar was waiting out the college with his friends for his sister, afterall it was her first day and he wanted to be there to welcome his sister.

Hi Sanskar.
Sanskar:Hey, you came so early Kriti could have come a bit more late.
Sanskriti:Sanskar....anyway they are my roommates Swara and Ashi.
Sanskar:And they are my friends,Nikhil and Samaira. Oops the bell has rung, guess we can catch up later. Bye guys.
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We all got into the class, it was the first day of my college life...so basically it's only going to be introduction. A typical day basically you just introduce yourself even though no one really remembers your name. The class got over like that and we all were sitting in the canteen with Sanskriti's brother and his friends.
Sanskar:You don't talk much do you?
Swara:Why do you feel that?
Sanskar:I don't know...just felt that.
Swara:Well i do talk but you feel i don't talk much because you talk a lot and it's a fact Sanskar..
Sanskar:I won't deny because yeah i do talk a lot. Sometimes you need to do that.
Swara:Interesting and sometimes you need to not talk to let the things inside of you stay inside only.
Sanskar:Finally you opened your mouth otherwise you were speaking to everyone other than me breaking my heart into 17 pieces. Anyways a proper introduction to you Sanskar Maheshwari,psychology student 2 year.
Swara:Swara Gadodia,b.com with C.A.
They both smile at each other and shaked their hands with each other.
Ashi:Sanskriti,Swara let's go?
Sanskriti:Okay.
Swara:Yeah, bye guys.
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Sitting and studying for his test, he was distracted when he got a call sighing he picked it up knowing very he couldn't handle it anymore. Still faking a smile he picked up the call because that's what he always does.
Sanskar:Hey mom.
Shikha:How are you? Are you studying? You have to score good marks just like Sanskrit...i don't know what to do with you, why don't you care what everyone thinks about you?
Sanskar:I do care mom...i care what everyone thinks about me. (which has made me become someone who i never wanted to)Anyways bye mom, talk to you later.
Shikha:But...okay bye.

Am i not a good son? Why do you always have to compare me with him?
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Coming back from college to hostel i sat down on my bed. I looked at my family picture where the four of us were there together, it was as if a thing of the yesterday. Things changed, people may have forgotten you all, a year passed by but i am still there waiting for the light which i got from you people. I looked around and saw people talking to their parents or their boyfriends...i had no one to call for sure and so i took my diary.

"I pleaded you all to not take my sunshine away and you all did leaving me with no other hope to live.
Night came and so it became dark but i knew one thing the darkness is always inside even in the morning."

Swara one day mumma and papa won't be there for you...we both will be far away from you but all we want from you is to be happy and strong. We can't always be there for you so promise me you will remain strong.
Swara:No papa, i won't let you both go away from me. I am just 15, please don't leave me.
Swaransh:You will have your sister with you then and trust me she loves you a lot more than anything in this world and if she's not with you then there is one thing you can do to make yourself feel that i am with you.
Swara:What?
Swaransh:We all need to die one day and the people that we love can never leave us...they are here inside of you in your heart.

Another dream of the past, but the only thing is it's not true papa because you all left me.
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Why do you hate me so much Sanskar? What have i ever done to you? When i call you, you don't answer my call and once in a while when you pick up my call you don't even speak to me...whatever it is can't we sort it out?
Sanskar:You have done nothing to me Sanskrit but it's just that....i know i was never a good brother to you but i can never be one because i am the bad guy.
Sanskrit:What's wrong Sanskar?
Sanskar:Nothing's wrong but it's just that you feel to much and i try to feel nothing at all. Anyways bye.
Sanskrit:Sanskar...

Why don't we become like the ones we were when we were younger, i miss us Sanskar.

I miss us too Sanskrit but i will harm you if i am with you...i am the bad guy and i will always be one. My darkness is going to harm you and i won't let it touch you till i am alive and so i will stay away till the end. I love you and this love will always hurt me because it does hurt to love.
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Ahsina❤